Better Now

Alrighty, my hormones have chilled. Except for the cotton saddle between my legs and the constant urge to check the crotch of my jeans for blood stains, I am back to normal. Well, as normal as I get. Don't expect 100% normal from me because I have never been, nor ever will be 100% normal.

Speaking of, what the hell is NORMAL? Who decides what's normal and what's not? Why is it that if you say normal enough times it starts to sound weird? I have no idea who set the "normal" standard or why, but my theory is if you think you are normal, then you probably aren't and people who go about worrying about what is normal and what isn't have way too much time on their hands.

So here I am on a Thursday, with tons of work to do, a meeting scheduled for this afternoon, and I feel like writing. I know I'm not the worlds best writer. I know my posts are not always easy to follow or even that much fun to read. The point is, I'm trying, I keep at it with out giving up, and I have sought and found help improving my writing skills. I found some really good advice Here. His tips are easy to understand and helpful. I am going to try to follow them as best I can. Hopefully, you, my wonderful loyal readers, will notice an improvement in my writing and find reading my post all that more enjoyable. Oh Happy Day!

You may be wondering just what the hell I am going to write about today. *Smile* I was just wondering the same thing. There is some drama going on in my little world this week, but I am not ready to discuss all that as of yet. Work has been reasonably quiet, but I think that's because the guy in LA that pisses me off so bad is on vacation. I have not been on my favorite forum in weeks and it seems the only people who miss me on there are guys. I didn't realize that I had pissed off so many of the women. I think what finally turned them all against me was my post about another certain member of the forum. The way I figure it, though, I never mentioned her name (real or the name she uses on the forum) and for all they know I could frequent a shit load of different forums. I don't see how I could have pissed them off so badly if they really have no confirmation of who I was talking about. *Shrug* In a way, I feel bad because I really liked some of the girls on there. On the other hand, do I really want to be friends with people who would get pissed at me for expressing my own opinions, especially in what is considered my "online diary"? Not really. I have people in my life who love me, opinions and all. Those are the people who matter.

I have been wondering, as of late, just who the hell I really am anymore. I cant remember ever feeling this lost in all my life. Seems like when I was a kid it just didn't matter, or didn't matter enough for me to put any thought into it. Now, I think about it a lot. I feel like I have lost part of me. A part I really didn't know was missing until I went looking for it. Part of it is I have lost my imagination. Oh, I can still call on it every now and then to come up with something to amuse my friends and family, but the soul of it is gone. I haven't made up a new character in ages. Well, not since the tragic loss of Penelope Gaywad. I wonder which choices I have made in my life have led me to this place and how can I get back to where I was before. I feel a need to revisit my past self to help me discover how to come to terms with the person I am now. First stop, music. I have played some kind of instrument since the 5th grade. The last 9 years I haven't touched a single one, though, and I miss it. So, since I was inspired by Dad's trip to Scotland, I have begun to practice bagpipes. Not on actual bagpipes yet, but on a groovy little practice chanter that will help me get my fingering and breathing techniques back on par. So far I have learned 4 notes, which is a big deal. If you have ever tried to play bagpipes or even just the practice chanter then you know how difficult the fingerings actually are. The first night I practiced for about an hour and by the end of it (and most of the following day) my wrist was sore. But, I got the notes down and can sound them on demand. Its quite the accomplishment and I'm proud of myself!

*(heh heh..She said "fingerings"...heh heh) Dammit Beavis! Get out of my head!*

Next stop..Who knows?! I'm finding that life cares not for the plans I make. It has its own plans. I'm just doing the best I can, living life one day at a time, and trying to hang on to small shreds that I still recognize as me.