On the Lighter Side

I present, for your reading pleasure, Hsing's Guide to Pregnancy
Parts are funny and certain parts made me cry because they are so damn true. At least for me they hit home.


Thank you, Miss Hsing, for writing this honestly and for letting me link to your wonderful guide. *big hugs* for you and your little one.

Spongebob Grumpy Pants

Not a particularly bad morning for me, so far. I did have to sit in a 45 minute traffic jam because people in Albuquerque have yet to figure out that two objects of mass cannot occupy the same space at the same time. It could have been worse though. A friend told me about an 8 hour traffic jam he had to sit thru once. At least it wasnt that bad, although I was still a little late for work. I had left my cell phone at the office last night, so I couldnt even call the boss to let her know I was running late.

I had a great night last night. The hubby and I heard the heart beat of our little crib lizard, which was totally awesome. It sounded like a little freight train chugging away at full speed. I thought I would cry when I heard it, but I didn't. I wanted to laugh, but every time I giggled, she would have to spend 5 minutes trying to find it again, so I tried to stay really still. Dave was amazed at it too, I think. He is just so awkward sometimes. He didnt come stand by me or anything. He just sat in the little chair they had in the exam room and grinned. Ah well. I should be happy he was there at all.

So why oh why do I feel like being a grumpy, whiney, crying bitch today? Hormones? Overly tired? *shrug* Wish I knew. I really just want to crawl back into bed and not come out til the weekend. I dont want to be alone in bed either. I need a warm body next to me. If I went home right now, the warm body would most likely be a combination of Otis, Mid and Diablo Blanca (Aka. Shelby). I can’t go home though. Last week in the month is too busy for me to take time off because I'm feeling anti- social.

I'll just take this as one of those days where no matter what happens I'm just not going to be able to see the silver lining. Hey, I can't be Miss Pollyanna everyday. Good grief, I would have to kick my own ass.

What the hell did I do?

This past Sunday I finally wrestled the Hubby off of the computer long enough to check my email and the following is what I found:

Dear Angie,


I am writing you to let you know I will not be bothering you or your husband any more. I have always tried to be a polite and courteous guest at your home, but I think that there has been some kind of miss understandings. Over the last couple of months, even before you were pregnant, I started to notice how you liked to argue with me and my views. I am not a “right and wrong” kind of person; there is always a grey. There is more than one way to do things correctly. That’s what keeps us from being Nazi’s. You may have missed that I never put your ideas down, but am an individual and have alternative ways of seeing and doing things. I have always respected others ideas because that is what makes individuality great and much can be learned that way. I used to think that you were the most understanding and sweet person, but with in the last months you have proved me wrong. Now I feel like I am put down and attacked by you. That is not what friends do, especially when you call them family. I gave you a chance to come clean with your problem with me, but I don’t think you had the balls. You would rather play games with me and hurt me to drive me away. I can hear the pleasure in your voice when you turn me away and it makes me feel like you think I am a “cousin Kenny”. When you play games with me it is totally unfair because I can not defend myself or my actions, which is most likely a misunderstanding. I know you can be a good friend still but if you would rather have me gone I just wish you could have come clean. If you want to talk shit about me do it to my face. I might respect you for it. Even with all the shit I have been through I never take out my frustrations on the innocent. If this is what you are doing I don’t want a part of it. I hope you and Dave have a nice life. I will not go into anything else because I might regret what I would say after feeling so hurt by my only friends out here, but if I hear that you have bad mouthed me I will defend myself. I have never claimed to be perfect and you shouldn’t either.

Good Bye

The day before he sent this email he had called, and right away asked for the hubby. I told him "sure, you can talk to him; however, he has been sick all this week so this isn’t a good weekend for you to come out." I did not tell him this to be mean or nasty; in fact it was not a lie at all. The Hubby had taken a day and half off this past week because he was sick! Art is out at my house every weekend. Slutty Hoe and Lord Dragon can back me up on that. Anyone who has come and stayed with me for the weekend knows this. In fact, Art had been coming out 3 or 4 times a week, often spending the night on weekdays. I have tried to nicely talk to him about this, letting him know that life is changing for us, and that means he can not make his visits as frequent as he has been. At first, he didnt listen. I think because I was the one doing all the talking. Then the hubby finally said something to him about it, and Art cut his visits down to just the weekends. Well, I'm sorry, but I grow tired of having someone out at the house every single weekend. Sure, visits are fine once in a while. In fact, I'm looking forward to seeing Slutty Hoe and LD in a couple of weeks. However, I need a break, and having Art out every single weekend is not a break. He does not like it when I tell him, "No he can’t come out", it makes him cry and all of a sudden I'm a bitch. I have to tell him no if I dont want him to come out (and I do it nicely, you all know me) otherwise he calls, and if we dont pick up, he doesn’t leave a message and comes out anyways. One night, on a Wednesday earlier this month, he called to see if he could come out, I told him it wouldn’t be a good night since the Hubby was working late. (Again, a true statement.) The hubby and I agree that Art does not need to be out at the house when the hubby isn’t there. Art actually told me that he was coming out anyways because he wanted to go for a drive. When the hubby did get home from work, I told him exactly what Art said and that if he had the nerve to knock on our door, I was going to tell him to go home. I felt like I was back in the 50's and had no say in what happened in my household. The hubby and I have a partnership, we talk things over and both of us have a valid opinion. Art wasnt treating me that way. Thats why when he called on Saturday he asked for the hubby right away. He thought he could side step me by asking the hubby if he could come out. HA. I'm smarter than that and cut him off at the pass. The hubby did say it sounded as if Art was crying when I handed the phone over to him.

I feel like Art has taken advantage of our hospitality long before he wrote this email, yet, from the way he writes it, I'm the evil one. Honestly, I have never made a full grown man cry before. For christsakes he is almost 30 years old, doesn’t have a job, lives off of his parents, then comes out to our house and mooches off of us, while talking shit about the very people who support him!! The Hubby feels just the same as I do, we have had long discussions about it, however, the hubby can walk on egg shells around poor fragile Art, where I am sick of it. I shouldn’t have to mind what I say in my own house. I shouldn’t have to baby a near 30 year old BOY, when I have an actual baby of my own on the way.

Art has said before that he might be bipolar. After reading about it, I hope he isn’t, but then some of the symptoms sound a lot like him so maybe he is, although I have never seen him like this before. If he is then he needs to go see a real doctor, and not just an alternative medicine person that puts your feet in a machine to suck all your toxins out thru your toes. Bi-polar is a serious problem that requires a serious solution not some nut bag sucking your bank account dry with "cures" with a mixture of 10 different "vitamins".

The Hubby says I need to delete this email and just let it go and I think I will. I just wanted to vent a little on here first. I felt unjustly attacked by someone who I thought was a friend. I have never claimed to be perfect. Actually I remember an old post of mine where I actually say that I know I'm not perfect and that I dont ask perfection from others. Although this email did make me question if I have become some super bitch since getting knocked up. If I had, you guys would tell me right?

Anyways, I also wanted to let you know, Slutty Hoe, that you dont have to worry about Art coming out to the house when you come visit anymore. I thought that, at least, would make you smile.

Slap My Ass and Color Me Happy

I met the lady who is going to take over working with The Bitch in Santa Fe™ yesterday and I think she is going to do great! She has been in this type of biz for at least 10 years now and has dealt with people like The Bitch™ before, so I'm really excited to see what changes she makes. If, for some reason, the position becomes available again, and my lovely bosses try to push it back on me, I have decided that I will demand a lot more money or quit. I can not go back to working with (NOT FOR) The Bitch in Santa Fe™ unless I'm making way more money than I am now. At least with a bigger paycheck I could buy more Jeager to drown out the memories of having to work with her.

Oh! And while changing my links on my sidebar, I found out one of my favorite bands Fun Lovin Criminals has quite a few albums available besides the one I love to play over and over. So I had to put a few of their other albums on my "to buy" list on Amazon. Oh Happy Day! You have no idea how long I wanted more from them, wondered what happened to them, and now thanks to the internets, I know! I just needed to get off my lazy ass and look. I guess the are really popular over in the UK and tour there all the time. FUCK! Just another reason why I want to hop a plane to England.

Oh, and a friend of mine online made this cool ABC's of pregnancy post on her live journal blog. I'm going to ask her if I can post a link to it on here, because I think you all would get a kick out of it. I loved they way she wrote it, making me laugh out loud in places and cry at others. Whenever I read posts from my friends, I realize just how shitty of a writer I am, but I keep plugging away because I love to do it. Just like singing. Those of you who have heard my voice, know that I'm not winning American Idol any day soon, but I love it, so just crank the stereo louder to drown me out.

Sheesh

Hey, my loyal readers...Its not Friday yet!! But I have to say I am flattered at the requests for a blog post. You love me, You Really Love me!! Okay, Sally Fields moment over.

Well, lets see, I promised an update on how I was feeling about this whole parenting thing. I have thought a lot on it and I don't think its the parenting part that has got me worried. Its the whole being pregnant thing. My body feels out of control, my dreams are out of control, and I feel "different". Not like the normal "me" at all. I wont go into details, but all my body functions are screwy. I feel extremely horney one minute and the next I feel like I never want to be touched again. Hopefully all this will pass when the baby comes. I mean for the sake of pete, other women have passed this trial, surely I can too. I every bit of a bad ass as they are. But I think the pre-pregnancy information is sadly lacking. I feel like its some sort of secret society that just gets sprung on you when that little blue line appears on the pee stick. Well, I'm sure Miss Hobbit would have shared her infinite Mommy knowledge, had I known at the time what questions to ask.

I think I'm going to enjoy being a parent though. I can not wait to meet my little one, see what he/she looks like, get to know their little personality. I look forward to trying to teach them right from wrong, good from bad, and protecting them as much as I can with out smothering. (Ever notice that "smothering" is made of the word "mothering", with an additional "s". Hm. Interesting)

I really don't think I want to be pregnant again, though. I'm so disappointed in myself for it too. I always figured I would love it, feeling that little life growing inside me. Knowing that, for 9 months, its just me and him/her. Maybe once I get further along I will feel that way. Right now, however, I just want them to get here so I can have my body back. Its been mine for so long that I am having a terrible time sharing.

Instead of calling the baby him/her or it, I'm just going to name it The Crib Lizard. I heard that the other day and it cracked me up, so since everyone else on here has a nickname, the little person growing in me might as well too. Crib Lizard. Very southwesterny..

My dreams, whoa. Any of you women out there thinking of getting pregnant, beware. Your dreams are vivid every single night. I have not had nightmares where I was actually afraid since I was a kid, until the past few months. Mass murder in New York, a man made of fire and this poor Chinese chick had to sacrifice herself to him. Not to mention my big black lesbian lover. *shaking my head*
Once again, all in the joys of parenting.

Note: I wrote this in a hurry at the end of the day so if there are spelling mistakes, well bite me.

Yet Another Friday Post. What a lazy bitch I am.

I have just noticed a pattern on my blog here. I do most of my postings on Friday. Hm. Which then led me to ponder why. The only answer I can think of is I actually do work through out the week, then once Friday hits, I'm burned out. I'm ready for the weekend to be here and I am done working. Part of the burn out comes from this job. Its stressful all the time. Especially since I began working with (not FOR) The Bitch In Santa Fe™. Fortunately, that is not going to be my problem for very much longer. The poor soul who is going to take over for me starts on Tuesday. (Since we are all off on Monday! Woo Hoo! Go Labor Day!) The other part of it is I think I am really getting sick of this job. Not only because of The Bitch In Santa Fe™, but because I feel like my employers do not actually care about any of us employee's. Which, if true, is a piss poor way to run a business. Think about it. If all you have is managment, then who does the "grunt" work that actually keeps the company running? Honestly, my bosses have no clue what it is I do all day, and I am the only one in the company who does it. They should feel damn lucky that I am such a good employee with a good work ethic. Otherwise I would be able to just walk out of here and never look back, regardless of the shit creek I would leave them floating in. But, I can't do that. Not because I care about my bosses or my job, but because I base a lot of my own self worth on how well I do my job. So if I just quit, then I would feel like I let myself down.



Ha ha. I fooled you! You may have stopped by here last Friday and saw the same lame post from the previous week, then today, lo and behold here is a brand new lame post. You may have thought to yourself, how did I miss it?! Well, I fooled you. Instead of publishing this last Friday I saved it as a draft. We were having a wicked thunderstorm and the computers kept going down so I kept on saving just in case the computers died before I finished what I wanted to say. Like this post was going to win a Pulitzer. In fact today is MondayTuesday, even though the date above the title will show it to have been published on Friday.. What a sneaky bitch I am. Sneaky and lazy.

Alright, so I have established that it is in fact Tuesday when I finished writing and published this. Its actually 4:04 in the afternoon. Which means I am about 24 minutes from leaving this cubie to make my way home. I cant wait. I have not heard from The Bitch In Santa Fe™, but thats not surprising seems how she is in France, probably still not shaving her pits. Maybe they have a special cream to cure ugly bag of skin syndrom. If anyone can do it, it would be the French.

Preggo update. I think the morning sickness has passed. I didnt heave today and I was able to eat my breakfast burrito from La Hacienda right when I got to work. Now granted I had to make a special trip just to go get it, I had to smell it in my truck for a good 30 minutes and I was almost late to work because of it, but oh it was so worth it. I love thier Breakfast burritos. When I worked near by them I had one every single morning. In fact, I ate there so much that when my birthday came around, the nice lady who worked the drive up window gave me a birthday card with a 20 in it. Probably thinking I would spend it on burrito's, which I did. I wish they had one closer by. Ah well. Wish in one hand and shit in the other, see which gets fuller faster, right Dad? Always full of words of wisdom, my dad. Oh and my belly is a little bigger, but not big enough to warrent a picture yet. Maybe later. Right now it just kinda looks like I got a really big gas bubble. I STILL have a nasty bruise on my arm from where that Vampire in the blood testing department took 4 pints worth of samples of my blood. Its been a good 2 weeks and I still look like I have a heroine addiction. They didnt even give me a cookie and juice. Bastards. Ah well. All part of the joys of parenthood, I suppose. Speaking of, I am developing definite feelings about that, now that the inital shock has worn off. I'll save that for my next post though..Til then Love ya.

Happy Day!

Its Finally Friday! God, this week has sucked. The Bitch In Santa Fe™ has tried fucking with me non-stop all week and I finally had to tell her off yesterday. That felt really good. :o) Plus the morning sickness has peaked this week, so I have been bowing to the porcelain god every single morning and nothing seemed to make that better except for time. Around noon I can get down a hamburger and some fries, preferably Lotaburger.

Today seems to be better, though and I haven't ralphed once! Plus I just got down a breakfast burrito and its not wanting to make a reappearance, yet! I am cautiously optimistic, though. Alright, enough about my stomachs extracurricular activities.

I received lots of good news this week, so I guess it hasn't been an entire bust. First off, I had my first docs appointment on Wed and the midwife used the word "perfect" several times. That made me feel a lot better, although I had to wait an hour in the waiting room and pay 15 bucks to get violated to get that little bit of news. Sucks to be a girl sometimes. Oh! And I heard yesterday that LA has finally gotten off their lazy, useless, giant asses and hired someone to take over working for The Bitch In Santa Fe™ like they were supposed to do, oh, 4 friggen months ago. Now, when the poor sucker will start and when my duties will be entirely relinquished, I have no idea, but the light at the end of the tunnel is getting bigger and it isn't a giant freight train about to run me over.

Our computers and phones are down because of the rain last night and hopefully they will stay that way all day. I dont want to work today, I certainly dont want to do anything for That Bitch In Santa Fe™. But we will see how the day progresses.

Thats about it for now. TGIF, my friends, TGIF.

Brittany Sprears is SOOOO Hot

Oh yeah, I want to look just like her when I am 8 months pregnant. Guess I better stock up on my Cheeto's and Hershy's bars.


Brittany, girl, I know you cant do your usual exercises, however, if you could pry that big ass of yours off of the couch for 10 minutes, a walk would do you some good. You look like Jabba the Hut goes Trailer Trash.

Quick, hide the wookies...I mean cookies. Screw it, hide them both, neither are safe from Jabba the Brittany...

Updated

Ello, Ello! No I said "Ello", but that's close enough. Would you like to come in, have some tea, meet the missus?........Whoa..totally had a labyrinth moment there..No Worries, I'm all better now. Just be happy I didn't don my grey tights, rat my hair out, and start singing with a bunch of muppets. Hey, you know when you hang out with me, anything is possible.

I would like to direct your attention to the side bar. I have made a few changes, and some updates. One thing you may notice is Slutty Hoe is no longer a contributor. Sorry, Slutty Hoe. You seem to do your blogging on myspace, so I thought I would go ahead and remove you so my profile shows up there again. I know, how selfish of me. I prostrate myself before you and beg your forgiveness. Actually, this is my blog so meh, I prostrate nothing..

Second, I have added a couple of links to the side. I don't know if you all noticed I put up a link to my friend Leah's blog. She is one hell of a writer and editor and one crazy creative bitch. (she would have to be crazy to be my friend huh? Its not like I surround myself with normal people. Normal people suck, then snowball their boyfriends.) I also linked to a kick ass jewelry guy, Paul J. Badali. He carries a wide varity of items ranging from animal themed to Celtic, all of which is beautiful. I have purchased a few items from him and have never been disappointed. Barrie still Kicks Ass as the Official Discworld Jeweler, and Paul Kidby has anything else related to Discworld that your little heart may desire. In fact, if I ever win the lottery, after buying a house, paying off all my friends/family, and starting my World Rally career with James, I would spend at least a grand there. (In UK Dollars, of course)

What else...Oh yeah, my stomach has been doing cartwheels on a daily basis from the time I get up til about 4 or 5 in the afternoon. Ahh..morning/all day sickness brought on by being all preggo and shit. At least I found somewhat of a helper. After trying everything from giving up my coffee to other radical changes in my diet (IE No deep fried foods. OMG this kid is going to KILL me!)I found that peppermint and spearmint hard candies seem to sooth the savage beast that is my digestive tract. Thanks and MAD PROPS to Miss Hobbitt for that suggestion.

Work still sucks cause I still have to deal with that waste of skin, dirty, treehugging, muff diving, old bitch, Bianca. However, I got some good news today that my working with her may soon come to an end. Not in the firery crash, blaze of glory, guns firing, Rambo-esk ending I had dreamed of, but an ending none the less. Good thing too, cause I was on the verge of pretending I work for the Post office and driving to Santa Fe with my AK-47.
Ha. I dont think I even have an AK..I have an SKS. Do you think that would disqualify me from the Postal Service NRA?

Okay, I think thats it for now. See some of you this weekend, and for the others, well see you when I can.
Lots of Love and Hugs from the Anj...

Ode to Toasters (For Leah)

Walking along with my friend one day
I turned to her and had to say
"why do you treat your toaster so bad?
Call him names, make him feel sad.
All he wants is to toast your bread,
but you go out and get doughnuts instead."
My friend turned to me and quietly stated
"My toaster is my greatest love, he makes me elated.
I only say those mean things to hide the truth,
the doughnuts I buy to pacify my sweet tooth.
In all reality I love my toaster so,
No matter what happens, I'll never let him go."

We continued on our walk, while I contemplated the situation,
Finally I came to the grim resignation,
My friend is a freak, in love with a toaster
But I can't say anything, I had an affair with a coaster.

I hope you liked it Miss Leah. Love you.

"The Story of Smurfette's Nasty Snatch"...

I wrote this in a moment of boredom here at work and it made Princess Maria Laugh, so I thought in lieu of a real post, I would share it with the rest of you. A real post to follow shortly..(Okay, like tomorrow or Monday)



One day, Handy Smurf was walking thru the forest, looking for smurf berries, when he began to smell something like a pile of dead fish. (Literally he could almost smell the "pile", really! Smurfs have an incredible sense of smell! ) He came around a tree and behold the smell was coming from another Smurf!

"How in the world could a smurf smell like that?" Handy wondered.
Since he was curious as well as handy, he went to go talk to the smelly smurf.
"What the smurf have you been eating, young Smurf? It smurfin smells like a pile of smurfin dead fish over here!" he asked

"Sniff, sniff. There isn't any reason to use such foul language." the smelly smurf said.
"But, for smurfs sake! I'm about to regurgitate all my smurf berries!" Handy cried out
"sniff sniff snort snort. I'm smurfin sorry! Its Gargamel !" the smelly smurf said.
"Gargamel?! Sure, his feet smell like Azrel pissed on his socks and then left them out in the sun to bake, but I haven't ever smelled this strong fishy smell like I do right now! Look! Your scaring away all the forest creatures!!!"
"Gargamel put a curse on my smurf hole! He said anytime I opened my legs it would reek like a pile of dead fish. If I shake my little smurf butt while my legs are spread, fish heads will fall out of my smurfin smurf hole!! What am I going to do?!" the poor little stinky smurf sobbed.
"Well, what's your name? I cant very well smurfing call you Nasty Smelling Smurf. Or Deadfishy Smurf" Handy said
"I'm Smurfette" she said.
"Well, Smurfette, I will help you but can you walk back to the smurf village with your knees together? If I smell any more of your nasty snatch, I'm going to smurfing puke"

So the two smurfs head back to the village. Handy walking about 10 feet in front of Smurfette. Smurfette came waddling the best she can with the knees together. Even still, as she walks by, flowers wilted, trees cringed, and the birds drop dead right out of the sky.

As soon as they made it back to the smurf village, Handy took Smurfette to go see the wise old Pimp Daddy Poppa Smurf.

"Whoa, who smells like an over smurfed hooker?!" Exclaimed Pimp Daddy poppa Smurf
"Sniff, Sniff, Its me o-wise and great pimp daddy poppa smurf! Gargamel put a curse on me, causing my smufing smurf hole to reek like dead fish!" said the smelly Smurfette.
"that's no curse!" Said the pimp daddy poppa smurf. "that's just plain over use! What you smurfin need to do, is go down to the river and wash your stinking smurf hole, you smurfin smurfin smurf!"
"What foul language you all have!" Said Smurfette
"Not as foul as your snatch, so go wash up. I don't want you spreading diseases to my other healthy little smurfs"

So Smurfette went down to the river and washed her nasty ole snatch. While at the river she discovered some vinegar and used it as well. When she got back to the village, she smelled so much better that the other smurfs fell over themselves to get in her smurf pants. Of course she wasn't wearing any, so that made it easy for the other smurfs. In fact, smurfette became so popular that day that she had her brains smurfed out 10 or 12 times!!! She was happy as could be. Everyone loved her snatch again. All she had to do is remember to wash it regularly and the fishy smell never returned.

Moral of the story: bathe regularly and you will get some more often.

Preggo~Its In There

Mmmmm.....Spaghetti sauce. Yummy, but that's not the Preggo I had in mind when writing the title to this post. I was thinking Preggo as in Pregnant. And yes, yes I am.

I had the hubby stop last night at Walgreen's so I could buy a home pregnancy test. I guess I was a little nervouse about taking it cause I ate dinner first, nice and slow, taking my precious time. Then it was time to have the after dinner ciggy, but instead I went to the bathroom and proceeded to read the instructions for the preggo test. As soon as I peed on the little white absorbent strip, the little cross indicating pregnancy started to appear. I didn't even have to wait the 2 minutes the instructions insisted it might take. Nope, insta-results, which I took as either the hormone levels were high enough to register right away, or a false reading. Since I still have not had a visit from Aunt Flo, then I think the first is true. In fact I haven't bled since Slutty Hoe and Lord Dragon were at my place last. I actually started bleeding the day they left (July 3rd) so yeah, I'm a little late.

This whole thing is surreal. I don't think its actually sunk in yet and probably wont til I see the doc on Thursday. I really hope the hubby will go with me to it. I read a little about what to expect on WebMD and it sounds kind of nerve racking. He has been so sweet that I don't think he would miss it unless he absolutely had to. First thing this morning, before we even crawled out of bed, he asked how I was doing and if I needed anything. That is not how we usually wake up. Then he called just about 10 minutes ago to check on me, see if I had a Doc's appointment yet, and just to say hi and he loves me. AWWWW. I think I'm going to hurl, that's so sweet! Hee hee. He is taking all this so well that I am thrilled and shocked all at once. I don't think I give my hubby enough credit for being a smart, caring man. Well, yeah he is smart and caring, its just not in the usual ways I'm used to, so it took me a lot longer to figure them out for what they are. Now that I understand a little bit better things have been hawsome bodatious and righteously kick ass. Well, better than the way things were at least. :) I feel happier and maybe that's why this happened when it did. Wow, anj, way to wax philosophical today. Next thing you'll be contemplating your navel. Well, for as long as you can see it.

I have to admit, I am freaking a little, but like I said I don't think it has really hit home yet. I cant imagine me all Miss-I-Just-Swallowed-A-Beach-Ball. Of course, the hubby will tell you I don't swallow at all, but then maybe I shouldn't go there on here...LOL

I want to thank all of you, my readers for the kind thoughts and the girly squeals when I called you to tell you last night. (The girly squeals did not come from who I would have thought. IE an actual girl.. But instead came from LD LOL!! But they were the best and make me smile whenever I think about it!!) I will keep you updated on the progress and in fact will post pictures as the belly gets bigger.

Say good-bye to my little belly......say hello to my little friend

Traffic Whoa's

I have bitched about the traffic on here so much that one may be inclined to think that is all that I ever bitch about. Not true. There is just such an abundance of stupid people on the road here that I could, literally, base this entire blog on them alone. I refuse to do that however, because I don't like to limit myself or my creative abilities. (Or lack there of, which ever you choose) That doesn't mean that there will not be the occasional traffic post, though. I drive at least 30 minutes to and from work Monday thru Friday, and some of the things I see happen almost daily would be enough to stand the hair up on the back of your neck.

For example, yesterday, the hubby and I carpooled. We do this a lot to save gas and mileage on his car. Really, I don't mind. For one, my truck does do way better on gas than the 'stang does. For another, my truck absolutely refuses to be driven like a sports car, therefore taming down hubby's driving "skills". I work directly across the freeway from him, so when we carpool, we turn left on Paseo, when I would normally go strait when alone. When exiting onto Paseo, there are 2 left hand turn only lanes, a middle lane that can go forward or turn left as well, 1 forward only lane, and then 2 right hand turn only lanes. Hubby's work is on the right hand side of the road, when heading West on Paseo. Meaning we were turning left (to go onto Paseo) but we were in the middle lane. (Look back, remember I said you could go forward or turn left in that lane.) Sitting directly to our left was an elderly couple in a Cadillac with California plates. The Hubby, just joking around, I'm sure, said "I hope this lady knows that's a left turn only lane". Then we proceeded to have a lengthly discussion during the red light about how the road and lanes really are not marked that well and what the city should do to fix it. The light turns green and sure enough as we start to make the left hand turn, the old lady in the caddy tries to go strait. Time slowed down. I could clearly see the face of the old dude in the passenger front seat of the caddy and he looks as if he is going to need to change his depends. My headlights were heading right for his door and I could see every wrinkle, every crease, every little bead of sweat that seemed to magically appear on his terrified bald head. The Hubby mashed the breaks while at the same time applying the same amount of pressure to my horn, all the time swearing at the old folks. We somehow manage to squeeze past them, while avoiding getting hit from behind because of the brake mashing and then the old Lady gets past the intersection and stops, right there on the off ramp going onto I-25. *blinks* I don't know if we scared her so bad that she had to regain her composure before continuing on their trip, if she had to wipe up her husbands side of the seat, or if she was waiting for us to come start some shit with her. Either way it was a stupid move, compounded by the fact that a stupid move put her there in the first place.

I did state that the off ramp was not marked that well, however it was marked. There is a HUGE sign, just as you go up the off ramp that tells you which lane is which, then when you get to the top of the exit ramp, there is a couple more signs marking which lanes go where. There is no excuse for not paying attention when you are driving. If nothing else, the line of left handed blinkers, furiously blinking away, in the lane to her right would have been a good clue.

Basically, what it boils down to, is people lost in their own little world, not paying attention to what is going on around them. I see this type of thing way too often on the freeway. When my 30 minute commute turns into an hour or longer because a couple of ass hats decided to trade paint while doing 70 mph, yeah, I tend to get a little pissed. Especially when temps here are reaching the very high 90's and I have no a/c in the truck, other than the air flow I get when I can keep moving. But if the freeway turns into a 4 lane parking lot, well, I'm just fucked.

I see people change lanes with out even looking. I have seen people squeeze into a space between moving vehicles that is barely a car length, causing all the cars behind them to slam on their brakes, only so that one person could get one more spot. Ohhh. Aren't you special! I mean one more fucking spot, when none of us are fucking moving. Give that guy the Asshole of the Day award. I have seen people slam on their brakes, and I mean literally, the car's front end is diving forward, only to change lanes. TO CHANGE LANES IN MOVING TRAFFIC! I don't think I will ever understand that one. I have seen people shoot across 3 lanes of traffic to exit. I have seen people come to almost a complete stop on the fastest part of the freeway, because they want to exit and are in the wrong lane. I have seen people have to swing into the median to avoid hitting the person they were JUST tailgating. Yeah, leave a little space to allow for reaction time.

Speaking of tail gating, I'm sure all of you know the rule of thumb when judging your distance from the vehicle in front of you. 1 car length for every 10 mph, right? Wrong. Yes, I'm pretty sure that's what they teach you in drivers education classes, however have any of you ever watched Motor Week or any other shows that test cars? It takes 100 feet or more to stop a vehicle. The average car is 20 feet or longer!! Some do better than others, granted, but most do way worse than that. When looking at your next potential car, don't just look at the 0 to 60 time. Also check out the 60-0 time and measurement, if available. Its quite shocking how long it takes for the average car to make a complete stop. Think about how good your brakes are next time your riding some one's ass. Chances are, unless you are paying attention very closely, you are going to tag that person, next time traffic crawls to a halt. And believe me, it will. Either that, or the person your tailgating might just decide to stop, right there on the freeway, for no other reason than to allow you to jam your hood up his ass so he/she can sue the pants off of you.

Well, it's now 4 pm here and I have to go battle it out on the freeway in about 30 minutes. Sigh. I enjoy my commute, I really do. Especially when I have my GoGear. In the morning, it gives me time to prepare my list-o-things to do for the day. At night, I enjoy being able to go over the days events in my head. What didn't I get taken care of, is it possible that I may have pissed some one off today, and if so, do I really give a skinny rats ass? The only time I don't like commuting is when deranged, clueless, I-am-the-only-person-on-the-road cock bastards try to take me out. That's when I get a little stressed. Thank goodness my application for a concealed weapon hasn't come thru yet, or else the population of the Duke City would be significantly less. ha. I fucking wish..

Slutty Hoe The Squishy Turns the big 2-5

Awww isn't she cute?! The next line should be, "Yeah she was, but what happened?!" That would have been my usual smart ass response, but the trouble is she is STILL cute! Tomorrow she turns 25, the Big Quarter Century, and she is still as cute as the day she was born. That Bitch. Ha ha ha. Just kidding, Slutty hoe. You know I love you baby.

I don't have many memories from when Slutty Hoe and I were little, but I do remember playing JEM all the time, and singing. Man, we used to sing a lot, especially when playing JEM with Audball. We were good too! Every afternoon, Slutty Hoe, Aud, and I would plant ourselves in front of the TV to watch JEM, memorizing the songs, and discussing vital matters regarding Starlight and The Holograms. Speaking of, we need to get Aud and have a JEM a-thon again.

Whenever we would play "School" or any other game that required one of us to be the authority figure, I always made her be the authority and I would always cause trouble. Be the "bad kid". I would pick on her, press her buttons, and sometimes go out of the way to really piss her off, because, well, at the time I thought it was fun. To be fair to myself, there were times when it felt like she was doing the same thing to me. I guess that's one of the things that siblings are required to do to one another. Test the boundaries, if you will. Once, I caught her reading my diary and I whipped her arms with a necklace chain. I am deeply sorry for that now, and have learned to control my temper better, but at the same time, it really fucked with me mentally, having some one read my private words. Even if it was one the people I'm closest to. The result of that is I have a wicked journal obsession (I think I have close to 30 now) and I never hand write in a single one. The irony of it is that I have an online diary that was created for people to read. Heh.

Once I got my drivers license, we became damn near inseparable. Mom no longer ran errands, we did it, and it was great! We would run for ice cream, usually stopping at Rosinate to drop off a note on the Hubby's car while he was at night school. (He wasn't the hubby at that time though.) We would drive to the dump together after doing yard work all morning, stopping on our way out of town to get our well deserved munchies and a coke. A reward for all the hard work we had put in. LOL I just remembered this other game we used to play. It was call Super Sonic. (This was before Sonic the Hedgehog) The point of the game was see who could get their chores done the fastest. Granted, we were still doing chores, but it was fun when we made it a competition. The prize for winning was bragging rights while watching the looser finish her chores. She would go to the store with me, or to pay bills, or whatever. Yes, I had friends my own age, but once Slutty Hoe and I crossed the line from being squabbling siblings to getting along, we started doing everything together. Funny how I fought that growing up, but once we made it to the friends point, I actually wanted to include her. Now a days, I sometimes get sad because we cant spend as much time together as we used to. A side effect of growing up and leaving the nest, but it still sucks.

Slutty hoe has always been there for me. I think it is wonderful that even after all the shit we put each other thru over the years, we are still best friends. She knows she can tell me anything and I wont judge her or hold it against her. I know she does the same for me. Yeah, we may still "burn" each other (Cunt to English Dictionary anyone?!) but we both know its all in good fun and nothing is meant by it. I don't want to imagine my life with out her. I have gotten all mushy on here before regarding the Illustrious Slutty Hoe, so I'll spare you all.....this time.

I love you Slutty Hoe. I will see you tomorrow in time to set up for the shin dig. I hope you have a Very Happy Birthday tomorrow, and Many Many more.

I love you.

Piggy Nation

Over the 4th of July holiday weekend there was a shooting here. I know, you are all going into shock. LOL Hey, lay off the sarcasm and rolling eyes. Yes, the Burque has murders all the time, but don't you think that I wouldn't bring it up here, in this blog, unless there was something different or unusual? That's right. Its not like I am a raging murder statistic freak or something. Sheesh...Okay on with the story.

First thing on the news is that there has been a murder, and the victim was driven to the hospital by someone other than the paramedics. The authorities tell the press that they are having a hard time with the crime scene since the victim wasn't found there, so no other information was being released. Two days later the news channels report that the victim had been the step father of an off-duty Albuquerque cop. Ohh the plot thickens...

A few more days go by and it is reported that the off duty officer was the one who shot his step father, with....get this....the officers own state issued police weapon. Then, he didn't even call 911 after he shot his step dad. Oh no. He called in thru his police radio asking for a supervisor. The news people even played the dispatch recording. The man sounds pretty calm, mumbling his way thru his request to speak with a supervisor, and the dispatchers confusion as to why an off duty officer was calling in requesting a superior over the police radio in the first place.

Just wait, the story gets better.

This man is not in jail right now. In fact he is on "paid administrative leave". He isn't working, so basically this guy just got a free vacation courtesy of us tax payers, for murdering a family member. Not only that, but his fellow officers were not very transparent while doing the investigation. They took DAYS to release the report of what happened and even then only very sketchy details. I think the news crew had to dig to find out anything. Even then there is not a lot of coverage on it. Like it all went away in a day or so. Now, the news crews here tend to drag out any murder reporting until they have squeezed out every single detail. Not this time though. This is proof, PROOF, that the cops here are corrupt. I looked online all day yesterday and all day today trying to find the article about it, but can you believe I didn't find it? Ha. I wonder what that means..

I wonder, also, if he is found guilty, if he has to reimburse the state for the pay while he was on "leave". Somehow I doubt it. What about the every day common murderers? If they have 9 to 5 jobs, do they get paid too? I very much doubt that as well. So right now, while I sit here at work, earning my pay, paying my state taxes, I am paying for this man to murder his family and then take a vacation. Nice. A testament to the governing bodies in this state.

I have bitched about cops on here before. I have even tried to give them the benefit of doubt, assuming, that like most groups, there are the occasional bad ones that ruin everything for the actual good ones. But I STILL to this DAY, have yet to have dealings with a decent cop here. Are they all corrupt? Is it just New Mexico or Albuquerque? It is certainly frightening to think that people with authority and power like they have are the ones that are supposed to be protecting us. Ha. Who protects us from them?


UPDATE: 7/13/06 : I found this today. Not much more info, but there is at least something. I love Albuquerque cops.

Long Weekend

Woo Hoo! 4 days off of work!! This would be me, if I was green, only had one eye and an antennae..

Luckily I don't, otherwise I don't think the Hubby would have married me. I would have most likely either been the most popular freak in high school, or shunned from society, roaming from circus to circus, until the Mothership arrived to take me back to my home planet of ZOIFKSJHKJSHIUWENNS. (yes, that's it's correct name. If you were from that planet it would make perfect sense...)

I hope everyone has a very Safe and Happy 4th of July Weekend! Slutty Hoe, Lord Dragon, you guys drive safe. I'll see ya in a few hours!! YAAY!

We Miss You, Aunt Gwen

On this day, 2 years ago, Slutty Hoe, Momma and I had to do one of the hardest things we have ever done. We had to say good bye to the beutiful woman in the picture above. I have been riding a knifes edge of tears all day, as I'm sure Slutty Hoe and Momma are doing.

Aunt Gwen was a wonderful, beautiful person inside and out. I always felt she was special and important to me, but I never knew how truly big her heart was until I attended her memorial service that had standing room only. She touched a lot of peoples lives and made them better. She was always quick with a smile (a small trait I hope I got from her), a kind word, and laughter. She was a role model to me and the closest thing to a sister as she could come to my momma. She was the first one Momma called when either Slutty Hoe or I had a major (or even sometimes minor) event happen in our lives. She was there from the day I was born, and I thought she would always be there. Even though hundreds of miles seperated us, I always felt her presence in my life.

You may be wondering why it took me two years to write about her. Well, its been hard. I have taken the easy way out, by not dealing with it, and pushing it down, much like I do with a lot of my other feelings. A total guy trait, I know, but it works. For a while at least. Today, though, I feel I should say something. It hurts, yes, but a woman like her does not deserve to be forgotten. I know I cant accuratly express how much Aunt Gwen meant to us. Even now, as I write this, the tears come too easy.

I think about you all the time Aunt Gwen. I know your up in heaven, watching over us three, most likely drinking (if thats allowed in heaven. I would think it would be, with out all the nasty hangovers), playing with Fred and some of the other friends we have lost along the way. We still miss you, and I know there isnt a day that goes by that at least one of us wishes you were still here.

We love you, and always will. Looking forward to seeing you again...one day.
For more information on her life, please read her obit
here


*Just a little note, I didnt proof read this post. If you find mistakes, please forgive them this one time. In the future I will be sure to make it up to you.*

King Keeler, Big Wheeler, Cat Peeler...Yeah

Every day I walk out of the house, its an adventure. Take this past Sunday for example. The hubby and I decided to drive down to the car wash so I may wash my very dirty Truck. We pull into the first bay, and start pulling out the mats when I hear a voice behind me say "Hey Man....". There are usually a few transients waiting around asking for change in that area, so it really didn't come as a surprise that we were approached. What was a surprise was this guys angle. Now, I have heard everything from "I ran out of gas, can you help me out" (with no car in site. How far did you walk, dude?!) to the honest truth, such as "Can I have some spare change for a pack of smokes". This guy reached a whole new level. First off he asks for 3 dollars for antibiotics. (I've never encountered a bum who wanted exact change) He goes on to tell Hubby that he needs them for this...and dumbass me, I look. He has this HUGE, NASTY cyst or sore or something growing out of his arm about shoulder level. It was the size of a Baseball, I shit you not. If I could have had the foresite to take a pic with my phone to post up here, I would have. This picture was the closest I could find..Ugh.


I am a huge wussy when it comes to wounds. I love my hubby, but I sure as hell don't want to take a closer look at the huge gaping wound he had just acquired. Why this guy thought I wanted to look closer at his is beyond me. The hubby gave him the 3 bucks but he didn't go away though. He still had to show hubby his collection of pennies he had gathered and then proceeded to wander around the rest of the car wash. We continued on washing the truck, not making any comment at what we had just seen. After a few minutes I didn't hear the Puss Guy anymore, so I relaxed a little. I don't know why I was so tense. Seriously, if Puss Dude had tried to touch me all I would have to do is land a punch right there in his ginormous Ball-o-Flesh and Puss and he would have probably dropped like a baby. But living in this city, I know to be on alert all the time while I'm out of the house. Not like my house is much more secure, but at least I have weapons of all kinds readily available. Its just I have known people (women mostly) who have been robbed in broad daylight, so I'm always sure to be aware of what is going on around me, who is around me, and what my options are in case I run into a problem. I think I could have handled Puss Dude though as long as he didn't leak on me. Om only know what the hell caused that in the first place and I sure as hell don't want it in my body.


About 10 minutes after I had last hear Puss Dude talking I see him come out of the gas station right next door. First he stops to ask the guy smoking outside if he has any matches. Then Puss Dude hooks up with his buddy and they walk across the street, to home I would guess. He gets about half way across the road when he starts yelling and waving at the hubby. He just wanted to say Hi and thanks again. Nice.


I wonder how long Puss Dude is going to work that antibiotic angle? I mean he can only do it until his arm falls off or he gets it fixed. Will he really get it taken care of though? Why should he when he can use his disfigurment to scare and even disgust people into giving him money? Really, he doesn't even need any cash to go to the doctors to get help. I'm not sure how it is in other states, but I know here, there are services like that for people who cant afford regular medical help. Yeah, he will probably be there all day waiting, but is that much different than a regular doctors office visit? Also, he could go to any emergency room with how bad that thing was, and get help. By law a hospital can not turn some one away who is dire need of medical help, weather they can pay or not. I know this. The hubby knows this. I figured it was common knowledge. So, really, this guy shouldn't be able to scam money in such a way. But, on the other hand, the shock value of having a baseball sized lump of pussy flesh shoved into your face certainly over rides any common sense, other than the ones that scream RUN!!! That's why I think he will continue to use that excuse for bumming cash until it gets too bad and either puts him in the hospital or worse.

I feel sorry for the guy, I really do. I wish there was more I could do for him. I try to help out with charities when I can, donate the odd dollar or 2 to the panhandler standing at the exit ramp off of the freeway. Especially if they have a dog. The dog suckers me in every single time. But this guy...I totally believe he just blew whatever cash he had acquired right there in that gas station and will be out again, showing off his wound to other unsuspecting people, getting his "3 dollars" a hit.
Everyday is an adventure.....

Making a Mess and Loving it

Yep, that's yours truly and Slutty Hoe as young'ens. Hard to believe we were ever that little and cute! Its true though. I have pictures to prove it. MUHAHAHA

I was trying to think of some memories I could share with you, but alas, my brain has quit for the day. Seriously, if I look inside my eyelids, there is a sign that says "Gone Crazy. Back Soon". I am a little worried. Meh, I doubt it could find a dirtier place than my skull to reside in. And if anything, my brain likes it DIRTY...

So, enjoy the pic. You don't have to read this post by the way. Not like it says anything world changing. Or even awe inspiring. If your looking for those things I would suggest some other blogger. This is just me. Rambling on and on with more titles for posts than I have actual posts..

Hope ya'alls Tuesdays went well. Mine is over in 13 minutes and counting........

Rain Drops Keep Falling On My Head

Dude, I woke up this morning and decided that I was going to have a good day. I have been having such shitty ass days, that I finally had enough. I decided that no matter what happened today I would greet it with a smile, patience, and with a rational attitude. Then I actually GET into work and TRAVIS has sent me 3 fucking videos that completely took up my entire storage space in my work email address!! I only got the videos from him, one fucking spam message, and 2 notifications that my inbox was full. WTF???? I forwarded 1 message to him yesterday. A message, not a video, and then all yesterday afternoon I got mainly video messages from him that were HUGE! Does he save them all up and send them out at once? Was he possibly going thru his collection and sending me all the ones he thought I would like? Doesn't he know I'm at work and cant even WATCH half the fucking videos that are passed around??? Sorry to rant on you hun, I just needed to vent. I was expecting emails from suppliers and all sorts of other work related shit this morning and instead I open up my box and find 5 messages where I usually have over 30. Just an example of what an inconsiderate asshole Travis can be. Thoughtless, just like most men. (I said most. I know that there are a few of you guys out there that actually are considerate, thoughtful, and have more brains than God gave a door knob. But to be honest, you are kind of a rarity)

Next, I get paid today, right? I'm supposed to have direct deposit. I have HAD direct deposit since I started here, 4 flippin years ago. Well, since we lost our payroll clerk, we started outsourcing our paychecks. So this morning instead of a pay stub and a full bank account, I have a check made out to a different name than what is on my account and 68 bucks in the bank. Gr. My boss says the names shouldn't be a problem. I hope the fuck not. Even if it isnt a problem, I still have to spend MY lunch hour at the bank. If it IS a problem, I'll have to grab my damn marriage certificate from the house tonight, then tell my boss that due to the outsourcing company's fuck up I need the afternoon off tomorrow to do a name change at the bank. Otherwise the check they just gave me today is totally fucking useless and I just worked last week for FREE.

I tried!!! I tried to start off my day good. Its not even 9 am yet and today already sucks. Sucks, and what really sucks out loud is all of it, ALL of the shitty ass things so far are beyond my control and were put into motion before I even crawled out of bed today. No matter how hard I try to stay positive, sometimes I feel like I'm constantly the bug and never the windshield.

I hope your day is going good so far slutty hoe. Are you still walking on cloud 9? :o) I cant even begin to explain how totally and completely happy I am for you, baby. I knew you would find a good man & that there was one out there that would be perfect for you. I think this one might be it. He is the whole deal. Funny, friendly, a gentleman, handsome, good person, good daddy, all rolled into one 6-packed, buffed out package. (No discussions about his actual "package"...the guy is already like a brother to me LOL)

And you, Miss Hobbit? I hope everything is groovy in your neck of the office. :o) How are my Nephew and Neice doing? You know, I tried to steal your idea of a naked nap, but the hubby was too busy doing stuff outside, so I took one by myself. I don't think its nearly as fun as it would be to have someone else with you, but I did get the bed all to myself. That was a treat all in its own.

Sorry to rant to you guys. I really wanted to have a good day today. I still might. They haven't broken me down yet. But dammit. Its not starting off that good and I'm so totally scared that its only going to get worse and then I'll end up in tears. Ah well, you know what? Fuck it. The worse thing that could happen to me here at work is that I get fired. In which case I would laugh in their fucking faces, go home, and do some Yeager shots.