Thought-Full

My brain feels full today. All kinds of thoughts are swirling through my mind, so maybe by putting some of them down, I can clear it out and be able to be my usual clever, quick witted self.

Traffic; Sigh. I already miss being able to come into work before 7. Since the kid is back in school I cannot even drop him off before 7 so I'm back in the midst of traffic hell. Every day I see people on the freeway doing stupid, inconsiderate things. This morning there was a semi truck, with a big ole trailer doing a good 70 mph, rode out this lane that was clearly going to end and squeezed his way in between me and the semi behind me. I saw a guy shoot across 3 lanes of traffic right before a stop light like he forgot he needed to turn left there. People ride each other's asses and get all pissed off and I wonder why. Why the hell are we rushing and fighting to get to jobs that we probably hate?! Why cause that kind of stress when we're going to spend ALL DAY stressed at our jobby jobs? It's just frustrating and I find myself getting caught up in it. I have to make myself calm the fuck down and realize that these fucktards on the freeway aren't worth getting my blood pressure too high.

Grandpa; He wants to go home and live alone, but he doesn't want to take care of himself. It's been weighing on me thinking that if he goes home, it might be the last time I see him alive. I get that everyone is like that. No one is promised tomorrow and anytime you talk to someone, it could be the last time. I just wonder if the reason why he isn't taking care of himself is because he tired of living. Mom and her siblings are all at the ends of their patience with him and I can't say anything because I don't see him every day and I don't have to deal with his ungratefulness. The whole deal has got me torn up. This was the man sister and I spent summers with. We're his "lovies" and it's going to be an incredibly sad time when we lose him. I wonder if the rest of the family is thinking about that.

Dogs: I miss Midnight. Every day.

Boys; Boys are Dumb. Boys make me Dumb too. Things are good with the hubby these days but that's because I've changed. I've accepted that I had un-realistic expectations about what my marriage was supposed to be. I've had this idea of a traditional marriage in my head for so many years that I felt like my marriage wasn't right or good. Well, it is what it is. The hubby is not romantic, he doesn't care about anniversary's, and he really doesn't like to go out. That doesn't mean that I can't read romance novels (or write them) or do something special for myself for my bday or anniversary, and if I want to go out, I can with out him. No big deal. I finally figured out that typical marriages are more like a business agreement than like a romance novel. I am thankful that he's home all the time and not out cheating on me. He does take care of the kid and I and he's always there for us. Expecting anything more than that is just pure fantasy.
Speaking of fantasy, I wish I could turn mine off sometimes. I do still think about what it would be like to be single. To have my own place, the kid just part of the time (which I think would be hard. I always miss him so much when he's gone for the summer) to not have to worry about anniversary's anymore. I used to think that I would most likely get right back into another relationship, but sometimes I think that if that were to happen, he would have to be something special. I don't want an average marriage again. I don't doubt I'd date (my self-esteem wished to say at this moment that I'd should qualify that last comment by saying IF I could find someone to date me. I've told that bitch to shut the fuck up, though) I fantasize about men I know as well and I know that's okay, probably even healthy, but I know that they'll never come true and even if they did, how the hell would I handle it?! I have no idea how to date anymore. I can flirt with the best of them, but to actually act on it, I'm afraid I'd be pretty fracking awkward. If I ever did find myself back in the dating pool, I'd totally have to read up on the protocols.

Me: When I look in the mirror I wonder how the hell anyone wants to be around me. I see this horrible looking person who has a good personality, yeah, but well, I'm goofy looking. There isn't anything about me that is unique or special. I am just like everyone else and while I suppose there isn't anything wrong with that (and actually as a teenager, you WANT to be like everyone else) I wish there was something special about me. Something that made people glad they know me. Something that would make me stand out but in a good way.

I know that I'm just in a weird mood today and probably slightly depressed, but I know tomorrow will be better. I know I'm loved by my friends and family. I love my job, my house, and my life, for the most part. But as my friend, Charles, likes to say "women are never happy"

This seemed to help...a little.

Hearts a Mess

Pick apart
the pieces of your heart
let me peer inside
let me in
where only your thoughts have been.
Let me occupy your mind
as you do mine....


**These are lyrics from a song I'm into right now. Called Hearts a Mess by Gotye. Its a groovy little song. This verse in particular speaks to me**

Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack Wack

Introducing..

I just wanted to write a post and acknowledge the newest member of our family. 

Please say hello to Eleanor 'Super Brat' Biesecker. 

Aww..

Welcome, Elli.

The writer must write what he has to say, not speak it. --Ernest Hemmingway

So very true. A lot of times I have a hard time articulating what I want to say. Especially when put on the spot. Especially to someone that I admire and look up to. And because I am a girl, my tear ducts are directly wired to my emotions and anything that I feel strongly manifests itself as moisture leaking from my eyes. So very frustrating.

So, Charley, this post is for you. To be able to say the things I want with out the emotion. Yes, I know. This isn't a discussion in which two parties take part. I'm aware that you will have opinions and actual logic and facts that you will want to use to present your side of the discussion and I look forward to hearing them. For now, though, I need to write this out so that I can organize my thoughts. Believe it or not, I do enjoy our discussions. I just wish I could contribute more....intellectually.

Something that weighs on me is that you think that I don't believe in love. I do believe in it. I feel it on a lot of different levels-all the time. The first time I laid eyes on my son, I fell so deeply in love I felt like I drowned in the feeling. When I surfaced, I knew, with out a shadow of doubt what unconditional love was. I knew that no matter what he did in life, what kind of person he turned out to be, that I would love him. No matter what. He will piss me off from time to time, and yes, he is an asshole sometimes but I will always love him. Even if he became a nasty serial killer. Or someone who tortured puppies. I'd love him but, I'd be really pissed and disgusted. And looking for professional help. But I digress. (Ha! Digress-Word of the day 2 days ago..) The point is, unconditional love. Its a deep, patient love.  I believe dogs love us that way. Isn't commonly found between spouses.

I love my husband. He is my family. He's on the same level as my mom, dad, brother in law, or whatever. I love him, but I don't feel passionate about it. He doesn't inspire me to write poems or songs. He isn't on my mind 24/7. He feels like a roommate with benefits and maybe that's fucked up, but that's how it feels to me. He's there. He's replaceable, interchangeable. And there it is. The root of what I want to say. The type of love that I don't believe in is the kind where the person ISN'T interchangeable. That there is one person out there, specially created for you. Fate made you, whatever fate is, especially to be with that one person.  A friend of mine told me of a myth-for the life of me, I can't remember what religion or whatever it came from. The myth goes that someone (We'll call Him Big G.) created a being with 2 heads, 4 arms and 4 legs. Then Big G realized this being was too powerful, so He split it apart and scattered that halves all over the Earth, thinking they would never find each other. Isn't that sweet? So romantic. That shit totally happens, right?

Nope. The truth of it is that we are interchangeable. It doesn't matter that it's me (my soul- or whatever you want to call what makes me so uniquely me), the hubby just needs a woman that fits his criteria. Same goes for me. I just need a man who fits mine.  I would be a good wife for a wide range of men, not just Dave because I know how to take care of a man and a family and I actually enjoy it doing it. He would be fine husband for a lot of different women. He's pretty low maintenance, keeps busy, and he's loyal. I don't have to worry about him cheating.

No one is perfect. Not me. Not anyone. But I'm reminded of a saying my son learned in preschool and is fond of saying..."You get what you get and you don't throw a fit." Am I sad that the love like I described above doesn't exist? Sure. Does it weigh on me? No. In all honesty, I can be happy with out that. I have for the last 15 (or is it 16 now?) years. I do love him. But is he my other half? The person who completes me? I really don't think so. I feel like I know him, but it feels like he barely knows me. But who cares. I barely know me. I love him and he's not only who I chose but who I'll be with until death do us part because you get what you get and you don't throw a fit..

So there it is. There is the love that I don't believe in. I think I might have beat you in cynicism this time.


 Wow. So..I'm going to totally post this so I can get my girls thoughts on this....Panel, what do you think? True love is real and I've got HUGE issues? Or is it that we're just all here and we're lucky to find someone who'll put up with our shit while not being too psycho and...you know.... homicidal. 

Update: Guys do have feelings! And they feel them as much as we do!! Cra-zee

Cock a Poodle Poo

I swear that's what the rooster across the street sounds like when he crows. Cock a poodle poo! And it does this at all hours of the day. I've joked that it sounds like someone is choking that chicken and other various 6th grader jokes. Sorry, I can't help it. You know you love me.

So..onto updates and stuff. I've almost finished my second book. No, it's not the next book in the AoG series. I know, I know. I need to get on that one. The outcry for part 2 is....shocking. I will finish it though. This story first, then Bryce, then AoG 2. I want to start writing right now but first I have to get the Crib Lizard ready and off to school. Then when I get home I have to leave again and take somethings to the Good Will and then hit up the store because Heaven forbid we run out of coco puffs. THEN I can come home and hopefully finish my story. I REALLY want to finish it this week.

I've realized that I love to write, but I really hate the part that comes after. The editing, the correcting, all of that stuff that has to happen before I can publish a story. When I become rich, I'm totally hiring someone to do all that stuff for me.

Other non writing related news...

The hubby saw a car chase start yesterday. If you watch the local news at all it was the one that started on Rio Bravo and second. The hubby was literally right next to the car when it started running from the cops. He was so excited he actually called me to tell me about it on his way to work.

Otis has begun to take morning naps in the front bathroom. Every morning. It's his preferred spot to hang out when it's raining, or thundering, or just cloudy. But even when it's sunny, its now his new favorite spot. He hangs out in there for a couple of hours in the morning, then wants out to use the yard, then he goes right back in. Such a sensitive little dog.

I'm just so tired...laying around all day has worn me the fuck out.

  So yeah, I'll update on story progress soon. I just wanted to do a quicky blog post before I had to take CL to school.

Love, peace, and chicken grease!!

I Seriously Can't Keep My Mind Out of the Gutter

Massive Brass Pipe or Fountain Nozzle...You decide.

Nom Nom Nom

If I could have found a picture of a nipple, I totally would have posted it. Hmm. Maybe I'll ask my pipe guy to send me one. Of course, thats the kind of email request that could cause a big misunderstanding.
"Very nice but I meant a BRASS nipple, not YOUR nipple..."

Is it lunch time yet??!

Crazy Town-Not the Same as Funky Town

I’ve seen some crazy things in the past few days and I had to blog about them before I forgot.



1. I smiled at a guy in traffic a few days ago-an older man in a white excursion (or something similar-it was big, white and had lots of windows) and he gave me the thumbs up sign. Okay, that was weird, but then he makes a big deal about getting in front of me, and then turns off into the Albertsons parking lot and waves me to follow him. Weirder. And no, I didn’t follow him in. I kept on driving cause he couldn’t want anything good, acting that way and quite frankly, even though I carry a weapon, it’s my sincerest hope that I never have to use it. I smile at a lot of people on the way home-men and women. This was the first time someone actually took it as an invitation.
2. I saw a wreck happen right behind me. I mean, I literally watched it unfold in my review mirror. It was on the way home last night and I was in the middle lane on the freeway. The line of cars to my right started hitting their breaks and as I went by, one of the trucks in that lane made an awful screeching sound. I got past him, but then he swerved right out into my lane and hit the car behind me. That car flipped and landed on its roof in the center median. The. Car. Right. Fucking. Behind. Me. It could have been me, it was that close. If I was still a smoker, I probably would have lit up two right then. I didn’t stop because everyone behind me was stopping and there was nothing I could do. But now that I think about it, I do have a first aid kit in my jeep. Maybe I could have done something. Aw. Crap. I hope those people are ok.

3. I was sitting at Scronic, enjoying my lunch and my book, when I heard a loud crashing noise behind me. A roofing company truck had ignored the height clearance sign and the ladder in the back of his truck took it out. (See my facebook page for a pic) The driver very nonchalantly got out and removed the sign completely and propped it up gently next to the building. I couldn’t help but laugh at that one. Luckily, all he took out was the sign. He didn’t do any damage to the awning on the building when he pulled up to the window, which just goes to show those clearance signs are just there to scare you..

Ding! Fries are Done!

I hate computer problems. I mean, they're fun in a way because I get that sense of accomplishment when I fix said problem, but damn, they happen at the most inconvienant of times.
I was going to do some writing this morning, but it's not finding my sd cards-the places where I back up my files.
The good news is it seems to be just the one card. I have other ways to get it to come up on the comp, so I'll just try one of those when I can find the hardware.
So yeah. Problem solved, no real issues, just some wasted time.

Speaking of time wasting things, facebook is evil. Between status shuffle and facestalking people, I waste entirely too much time on there. I should be writing.

I want to be writing. I love the worlds I create in my head, it just takes so damn long to put in words. Dave thinks it's amazing I can write 2500 words in a 3 hour period. I'm amazed that's all I got done. Feels like it should be more.

Another good time waster is the bloggess. She cracks me up on damn near every post. I would love to have a funny blog like that, but frankly, dave doesn't have the sense of humor Victor does. I once put a bra on my head (a-la weird science) and asked Dave to kiss me and he wouldnt do it. He didn't laugh or act horrified. He looked at me like he was disgusted and said no. DISGUSTED! What the hell? That shit's funny and if he put a bra on his head, I'd kiss him!!
So, since I don't have a husband that appreciates the finer points of crazy weirdness, I live vicariously thru the bloggess. PS. I really want a Copernicus

Of course, the last two days I've been kid free and that helps. Especially when you're writing porn stories. Now he's back though and I have a hard time writing words like "clit" with my four year old standing at the door yelling "Hey Mommy"
Ah, nap time, you can't be here soon enough.

I'm stuck. I suck. I like s-words

*sighs* See? I'm stuck on S-words today. Jay's discovered he can tell what letter a word starts with if he sounds it out. I know. He's so fracking smart!! Anyways, once we find a word, like snail, we see how many other words start with the same letter. You really don't know how limited your vocabulary is until you're 12 deep into S words. (obviously trying not to repeat any) It's pretty fun, but makes my hand itch for a dictionary. :o)

So Agents is done, published and already purchased (thank you all very much!). I'm having a hellova time starting anything new though. I know I said I had a sappy romance on the brain but it's a struggle to get through. It's like my muse has gone on vacation. I'm not even interested in book 2 of AoG. It's so fracking weird because every single time I've finished working on Agents, I got excited about the next one. I mean, seriously, I've got some killer notes and ideas. Even if everyone comes back and says Agents is 'mule vomit' I'll probably still write the story's because Elli and Jacen deserve it. I think I would. I hope. Maybe?
I dunno.

I'm not looking for you to tell me (again) that I don't suck as bad as I think. You guys love me and of course you're going to say that. I just want to release some of this anxiety I've been having. My thoughts are scattered and I can't seem to focus. I don't know what, exactly, is wrong or how I can go about fixing it. No, I'm not pregnant. Just got done bleeding, thankyouverymuch. I just wish they made a focus tea or something.

I read a book in a 3 hour span (while Jay napped) yesterday. A Harlequin Romance and O.M.G was it hawt. 4 bucks at wally world and it rocked my socks. I don't know if I can do that. I mean the sex scenes. Don't get me wrong. I can write them. I wish I had saved some of my steamy emails over the years, but what I can't handle is you guys reading it. I mean, I don't want you picturing ME in those scenes, or I dunno. Just seems hella dirty. *chuckling*

Maybe I'll give it a whirl and tell myself you'll never read it. Maybe I'll submit it to Harlequin if I think it comes out good enough and if they like it, well, then MAYBE I'll tell you about it. My point is, don't hold your breath for the romance novel. I'm pretty sure I can work on more than one story at a time. I usually have a couple of different books going with out any problem. I will work on the next AoG book. (Light, I need a title for it)

Til next time..thanks for listening to me rant, babble and generally be selfish. I'm glad you got your book today sis. I hope you enjoy it.

Love, Peace and Chicken Grease

Give me a P! Give me a R! Give me an O! Give me a C! Give me another R! Give me an A! Give me a....ahh never mind.

Hello Again! I know. Two blog posts in as many months. Well, wipe the shock off your faces. I'm blogging again for the same reason I did before when I was working-procrastination. Yup. I've got stories I should be writing. Which brings me to a side note:

Agents is done. It was supposed to be on sale today, but there was a problem with the cover. *sighs* My problem, ultimately, is I'm impatient. I don't take the time I need to do things right the first effing time which causes longer delays in the end. Why can't I learn that lesson?! Anyways, I got the problem fixed, and it WILL be done tomorrow. I'm a little scared. You guys are my biggest (and, lets face it, my ONLY) fans. LOL But that's okay, cause you guys are the BEST fans I could ever wish for. But...I don't know. I worry that Agents sucks balls. I worry that anyone who reads it will be so offended by my idiocy that they'll refuse to ever speak to me again. They'll want to avoid possibly becoming dumber just by associating with me. What? That shit happens. The hubby asked me if I was going to order a final copy for myself. I said I was. Good, he tells me, I want to read it. My hubby, who does not read anything that doesn't have pictures. Not that he's illiterate, but he prefers information type books. He always has his nose stuck in one of the two gun encyclopedia's I got him. I told him I would be really embarrassed. It's a CHICK story. I know it is. Yeah, there's some action and stuff, but for the most part, its for the girls. I would be just as mortified if my DAD read it. For some reason, I don't mind if Brother reads my stories. Maybe it's cause he's ALWAYS read them. I dunno, but it is nice to have a guy give his opinions.

Anyways, what really sucks (and coming back to the whole procrastination thing) is I have MORE story's to write. Book 2 of the Armor of God series. (No more than 3, I think-book 2 is going to be...complicated. I'm actually really excited to see what's in store for Elli and the gang.) This other story that's going to be a romance. *shaking my head* It's fiction, obviously, but its not fantasy, supernatural, or anything like that. Just ordinary people overcoming extraordinary situation. Really a-typical but this story has been burning up my brain waves. I think about it all the time. Then there is Bryce Marshalls, which I think the guys would like better. And I have a beginning of a story Hoskins started writing back in high school. I really want to work on that with him. I think that it would be fantastic.

There are others that are just glimmers of idea's right now. The reason why it sucks is because if Agents sucks balls, then what the hell makes me think I can write these other stories? My idea's feel like birds who fly into my brain and roost. I think if I tried, I could just let those birds fly free and they can roost in some one else's brain. Maybe someone better at writing the stories the birds carry. Then part of me kicks in and says Carpe Diem, Bitch! What it boils down to is I love writing. Even if my stories or writing sucks, I still enjoy it. I guess its kinda like singing in the shower. Sure, I'll never be an American Idol or any of that bullshit, but I have fun and most importantly, I'm entertaining myself. lol.

I think I need to write my cheesy paperback romance (it will be an adult novel. I don't want to limit myself on this one) and then work on the second book of AoG. If I can get the cheese out of the way, maybe it'll free up some waves for AoG.

I guess what I should do is just start writing and see what the hell happens.Heh. But I'm not. I'm totally sitting here, blogging. I could be in my cubie right now for all you guys know. Cept, I'm not. I'm on the back porch, in my jammies. That's right. I haven't even showered yet today.
No really, I'm going right now. After I check face book. And then I'm totally there. I'll send out the link for Agents tomorrow. Maybe today, we'll see how fast they get back to me.


So until next time...I hope y'all have a great day and a wonderful weekend.
Love ya.

Update (not even an hour later): It's Done! Agents is for sale!


Whoa. I wrote a book in less than a year. Sure, it might be what happens when a mule has mud butt, however, it's done. I finished it from beginning to end. Go me. :o)

I should be writing. Not here on this blog, but working on Agents. Making it tighter, giving the characters some depth. Instead, I'm on the back porch, cigarette between my lips, blogging. I've not blogged for a long while. Months. So why am I here instead of working? (The hubby says writing is my job now. Sweet, yet misguided in my opinion.) I'm here because my creative juices are..just...not flowing. I love my characters in Agents. I can see them in my head. I'm having a hellova time making them come alive on the page. I have it in me to do it. I think. Maybe not. If I can see them, though, I should be able to make my readers see them too. Right? *sigh*

So, I'm hoping by writing whatever comes to my mind on here will help open up the flows of creativity that I know are in there somewhere. Untapped wells of brilliance hidden under layers and layers of shit floating thru my mind.

I dreamt of Hoskins the other night. Not that kind of dream, you pervs. The point is the next morning I had a text from him. Coincidence? I don't believe in them. Everything happens for a reason and although he is okay and I'm okay, I think I needed to hear from him and somehow, he knew. That happens a lot with the people I'm close to. There's a word for it. Family. Sharing the same blood line isn't important or necessary. People form bonds, share memories and somehow end up connected. Sometimes it seems the hubby can read my mind. I think that's because we've been together for so long. I KNOW my sis can read my mind. She knows my intentions no matter how I try to hide them. She can tell if I'm drunk, even if she's across the room. (Maybe I'm an obvious drunk? I don't think so. Missy didn't seem to notice and she was right next to me. Hell, she SAW me take those two or three huge tequila shots.) Anyways, my point is, my sis know me better than anyone and it's because she's been my best friend since she was born. Of course, it took us a few years to figure out we were friends, but the entire time we were learning about each other. Right sis? ;o)

Of course, it doesn't help my writing that I'm away from the comp every tem minutes with the little one. How do you say no to the little voice that asks you "Play with me please mommy." Yeah. Only the hardest of hearts could turn that down. So inteast of writing, I find myself drifting mustangs on the coffee table or playing trains or reading a book. I don't feel like that isn't time well spent, I just wish sometimes there were more hours in a day. I'd let the hubby take over when he gets home from work, but he wants to relax or do things around the house and then, later, when the kid is in bed, that's when the hubby wants to spend time with me. Not enough hours.

I do nap and enjoy eight hours of rest at night, which kind of worries me. Not so much the eight hours at night, but the naps. If I go a couple of days with out one, I get really cranky and it's hard to last past 9 by the second day. Am I just getting old? Am I depressed? *shrug* Could be either one or something else entirely.

This is so not working. I'm texting Mitch and thinking about facebook. C'mon Muse, where are you? How can I entice you to whisper inspiration in my ear? Elli, Jacen, Abe, Jess, Keith, they all burn within me to have their stories told. All I can think of right now is if anyone has commented on my status. :o/ I need help.
FB aholics or something.
Guess I'll check it. Just really quick......HA! two likes and a comment. lol I'm so pathetic.


Okay, so I'm going to do some research for Agents and then seriously bust into it. No, really. I swear. Sis, I know it'll never be perfect, but it can still be better. The begining is slow and then it picks up. I don't want it to be slow anywhere. And it seems flat. The characters are lifeless. Some parts are good and some are really, really terrible. So, I know you have been impatiently waiting and it'll be done soon. I'm so ready for the next book and I hope I can do better on this one from the start.
Really really. Give me another week. Then, hopefully, I'll be satisfied enough that I won't mind if complete strangers read it. ;o)

Snow pics from 2007

In the Interest of Wasting Time

So here we are at Monday again. I am constantly amazed that the work week drags painfully by, while the weekend jets by so quickly, you're left wondering on Sunday night just where the weekend went. I really got spoiled over the holidays. Multiple 3 day weekends, and a couple of solid weeks off thrown in for good measure. Now, I'm finding that getting back into the "groove" of working 40 hours a week is kind of hard.
Ah-well. I'll get back into the swing of things.

Not much to report in daily life at this time. Get up, go to work, come home, take care of the kiddo til I get him off to bed, then I get a couple of hours to myself to read, write, or (as of lately) catch up on my Burn Notice. Man, that is an awesome show. If you haven't watched it, check it out when you can. I'm hooked and I'm currently rocking a crush on Jeffery Donovan.

Yeah. I know. Words fail me too and I'm reduced to panting and drooling like a crazed fan girl. I'd behave if I ever met him, but I'm not promising that I wouldn't be undressing the man in my mind during our conversation.
You all might be surprised how often I do that anyway. *wink*

Story update: I'm reading through it still. It's hard to get motivated to edit it because of that "You Suck" voice and also because well, I guess fear. Fear that it does suck. Fear that it's good and people will expect more good things from me in the future. I like to keep expectations of me low, that way people are always pleasantly surprised. It's like guessing an arrival date for something being shipped. Always guess big, that way, when it arrives early, the person is happy.

I'm going to link to my NaNo account over on the side bar, so feel free to pop on over there and read the synopsis (I should re-write that.Hmm. I'll get to it one of these days.) and a sample of the story.

I swear to you, the few who have been with me from step one of my writing journey, that I will finish this and (self) publish it. I want to see it as a book as much as you all. And I wouldn't let all your hard work go to waste by just sitting on it forever and not doing anything with it. I owe you guys and maybe by publishing this I can repay you somewhat.

Well, 30 minutes left of my day. What to do. Work? Don't be absurd. I'm going to spell check this and maybe post a link to it on my FB page. With how slow FB has been for me lately, that should just about tie up the remaining half an hour of my day.
Woo!

Stay tuned for more updates. More ramblings. And if you're new to this blog, well, Hold Still. You might like it. :o)

Welcome to Down Town Coolsville. Population....Us.

*sigh* Why is it that the last hour of the work day on a Friday seems to not obey the usual rules of time? Why is it that 3 to 4 feels immensely longer than one hour? Why does an hour with my son go by so quickly, but the hour wait to get back to him feels like it takes years instead of 60 minutes? I honestly dont have the answer, but I will say this; it sucks monkey balls.

So, to help pass the time, I thought I would steal an idea from the madness and give you guys my 2009 in review.

January-Helped to throw one kick ass birthday party for mom who turned 50. Massive amounts of Schnapps and fun were had by all.

February- Celebrated my 12th year of being with the hubby. Incredible, isn't it?

March- Turned 30-was not impressed

April - The Crib Lizard™ turned 2!

May- Celebrated the return of warm weather. Woo Hoo! Almost tank top and flip flop weather. Hells yeah! Also got my Taurus .45; A mothers Day gift from the Crib Lizard™ and the hubby. I love that piece. Seriously lots of fun to take to the range.

June- Enjoyed every single moment outside that I could.

July -Spent the 4th in Nebraska with my crazy, yet wonderful, family. Drove Betty (the G8) and wow, I love that car!

August Spent as much time on the back porch as possible. BBQ's and reading. I'm a total porch monkey.

September Began to mourn the loss of summer.

October Celebrated 5 years of marriage to the hubby. Even though we didn't have the kiddo, we didn't do anything. He was sick and I was riding the cotton pony. *shrug* Shit happens. The next Wheel of Time book was released, and I began to really think about my NaNo story. Got the Character profiles and the general out line done. Woo HOO!

November Wrote and completed a 50 thousand word novel in 30 days. It was crazy and stressful and completely AWESOME. Can't wait to do it again this year. A BIG THANK YOU to the people who read my updates everyday and gave me feedback. You all know who you are and yes, I'll have a thank you page in my book when I publish this story. :o)

December Drank more alcohol (schnapps-thanks, uncle B!) at the annual Christmas Party than I have in 5 years. The last time I got that toasted was at my 25th b-day party. I remember now why I don't do that to myself very often.
Also had a great Christmas with the Crib Lizard™. He was totally into all the lights, Santa, Rudolph and the whole deal. I got to be Santa this year, first time for me, and it was so much fun, I wish we had Christmas every month!

So, that's just a general overview. I'm sure there are more things I could list, but my brain is not working so well right now. One of the side effects of being a morning person I suppose.

Speaking of, my boss this morning actually asked me how I can be so perky every single morning. :o/ What the hell was I supposed to say to that? Anyways, yeah, I'm a perky morning person; after I get my shower and coffee. (in that order, thankyouverymuch) Sorry I'm not crusty enough for you.

I'll try to write on here more often, my dear readers. I've been getting the writing bug again lately and well, I've missed blogging. I feel so hip when I blog.

For the hell of it...

Just cause its nice to have a back up: Here is a story I'm working on.
It's not even close to finished, but I'll add updates when I get them done.

Chapter 1


Rain dripped down the nape of his neck, sending shivers down his back. Bryce Riley Marshall (the third) had been sitting in the same spot for an hour now, the last 30 minutes of it being soaked by the downpour of rain, trying to be very still while watching the entrance of the ancient tomb. He had found a little rock out cropping, just large enough for his athletic body to squeeze into, to hide out and wait for the archaeologists to leave. He had a good view of the tomb entrance, but he doubted very much they would be able to see him. The rain would help with that as well. He wore non-descript shirt and pants, all in brownish earth tones to blend in with the desert, a black leather holster slug over his shoulders-resting next to his ribs complete with a Smith and Wesson .45 that was fully loaded and ready to fire. He thought about the archeologists inside, wondering what could be taking them so long. It was well past dark, and the torches inside wouldn’t be very effective in lighting up the tomb with out the natural sunlight to help.

They were here to study, he was here to rob, but Bryce had grown tired of robbing ancient tombs, and the killing that usually went along with it. This time, upon discovering that the tomb was still being studied, he decided to wait until it was clear. It would be easier; he told himself for the millionth time; get in and get out. No mess. No bodies to hide. Grab the treasure and go. He was repeating this mantra over and over in his head when they appeared at the entrance of the tomb. Talking excitedly, a group of 4 archaeologists came streaming out of the cave like structure, completely oblivious to the rain and the dangerous man hidden in it. They made their way to their camp, a small cluster of white tents that didn’t look like they would provide much shelter from the penetrating rain, not bothering to avoid the mud. Boyce waited, the rain continuing to fall in huge fat drops, soaking thru his oiled leather jacket, sending shivers down his spine that he fought hard to repress. Finally, when the camp seemed to have gotten quiet, he snuck quietly to the entrance of the tomb.

It took a minute for Bryce’s eyes to adjust to the gloom inside. It looked just like every other tomb he’d seen in the past 10 or so years of his ‘career’. Taking a small picture out of the breast pocket on his shirt, he took a long look at it and then scanned the room. Luckily, the archaeologists hadn’t removed anything, yet. He wouldn’t have to search the camp, meaning no contact with the scientists, no chance to have to take their lives needlessly. Seeing nothing but some broken pottery and ancient pictures painted on the walls, Bryce felt a moment of panic. He hadn’t seen anything being removed from the tomb, but what if they had snuck it out somehow? He relaxed as his eyes fell on a doorway further in the back of the room. It must be in there. Walking quickly, trusting his excellent night vision to help him not stumble over the uneven floor, he entered the next room and found it to be very similar to the first. This one contained a mummy, however, and it looked as if the archeologists had spent most of their time in here. The floor was covered with foot prints and shuffling marks, as if they had attempted to move the mummy. Bryce was getting nervous now. This was his last job. No one else knew that, but Bryce was sure, and he didn’t want to screw it up. His client, “Mr. Anonymous”, would not be pleased to hear that Bryce was unable to recover the treasure for him.

This room, although much like the first, did not have any other doorways. Frustrated, Bryce began to walk around the edge of the room. He felt along the cold rock walls, first along the north side, then the east, then the south. Along the west wall, his hands growing more frantic in their search, he felt something…..different. It was small, round, and smooth. A sharp contrast of the bumpy rock walls. He ran his palm over the object again; making sure it wasn’t just some polished part of the wall. Sure enough, while the wall was rough and cold, the object was smooth, and just slightly warm. As if it absorbed some of the heat from Bryce’s hands as they had come in contact with it. He smiled slyly in the dark, and pressed down on the smooth object. It sunk in and the wall which he was standing in front of shuddered, and then opened, revealing a small tunnel. Grinning again, Bryce, grabbed the flashlight from his coat pocket, and went thru the opening.

The tunnel had a low ceiling and when Bryce stretched his arms out to either side of him, he could place his palms flat against the walls. There was a musty smell that hung thick in the air, which made it more difficult for Bryce to draw a breath. Pushing forward, Bryce turned on his flashlight and the tunnel was suddenly bright. He blinked a few times to adjust before moving forward, again, careful not to trip. It wasn’t a long tunnel, only about 50 yards or so and Bryce could already see another chamber at the end. This one, although dark as the rest, appeared to have been undisturbed since it was sealed up however many hundreds of years ago. There was no mummy or pottery or paintings on the walls here; no foot prints in the sand. All that was in this little room was a low, blue/grey stone pillar, with a skeletal head and torso balanced on top. Hung around the skeletal neck on a thick, old chain was the treasure Bryce was after-the Dragon Pendant of Epliel. According to legend (and who ever believes those?!) this pendant once belonged to the God, Epliel, The Evil Unspeakable Devourer of Souls. The pendant was used in ancient ceremonies as a way to harvest the soul of the sacrifice, and feed it to the ever hungry Epliel. The pendant was shaped like a long, serpentine dragon, looped back on itself so it made a complete circle. It was about the size of the diameter of a coffee cup, green, with red ruby chips for eyes that picked up the light from Bryce’s flashlight, making them flash as if they were alive. Having retrieved many terrible treasures over the years made Bryce seem almost complacent. He’d handled lots of ancient items and none of them had ever hurt him or come back to haunt him. It just looked like a creepy dragon necklace to him. Carefully, so he didn’t disturb the ancient corpse (or partial corpse) Bryce reached out and gently pulled the necklace and pendant over the skull. The pendant was warm in his hand, like the entrance marker to the passage way had been, and it was heavy. A lot heavier than it looked at first. Trying not to think about where the heat may be coming from, Bryce placed the pendant in the deep pocket inside the breast of his coat and turned to head back down the tunnel. With any luck, the archeologists wouldn’t even know he had been there.

When he reached the entrance to the tunnel, he paused, locating the round, smooth disc-like part of the wall that had caused the door to open. Looking closely at it with the light from his flashlight, Bryce noticed it looked just like the rest of the wall. To the casual eye, it wouldn’t stand out at all. He toyed with the thought of leaving the door to the tunnel open for the archeologists, just to mess with them, but decided that it was better if they never even knew that it existed. Then they wouldn’t notice anything missing. He pressed the disc-like key again and the door closed, leaving no sign that there had ever been a door there at all. Happy with his find and feeling more exuberated than ever before, Bryce turned off his flashlight and turned to go back to the outer chamber of the tomb. “Don’t Move.” A high, soft voice came from the sudden dark. “What are you doing here?” Bryce steadied his breathing, and concentrated on where the voice was coming from. His eyes had not adjusted back to the dark since turning off his flashlight and he could only guess who was in front of him. One of the archaeologists to be sure, but how had she discovered he was here?
“Relax” he said. “I got lost in the dark and I found this cave. Or what I thought was a cave. I was just looking for a place to get out of the rain.”

“You were just wandering around the desert, in the dark, in the rain, and happened to stumble upon this ‘cave’ ” she said sarcastically, “Right. What are you really doing here?” This was going to be tricky, he thought. He figured she couldn’t see him any better than he could see her, so he very carefully and very quietly took a step towards her.

“Look” he said, trying not to sound threatening “I’m leaving okay? No harm, no foul.”

“Stop right there.” she sounded afraid now. Good, he thought to himself. Fear is an easy emotion to feed off of, and it can cloud a person’s judgment. She was blocking the doorway to the outer chamber and the only way out of the tomb. Carefully taking another step forward, Bryce was with in arms reach of her now. He could just make out some of her features. She was about average height, 5 foot 6 inch’s or so, shorter than him, and had long hair. The color of it was hard to determine in the gloom, but it seemed dark, like any light that hit it was immediately absorbed. She had a slight build, and she stood stiffly, evidence of her fear. He quietly drew his pistol and in one swift movement, he was behind her. He hit her once on the head with the butt of his gun, and as she crumpled, he caught her and laid her gently on the dirt floor.

“I am sorry about this, doll, but it’s better than the alternative.” He said in a whisper and then quietly made his way out of the tomb. The rain had stopped while he was inside, although he couldn’t have been in there more than a half an hour all together. The night was still dark, the remaining clouds covering the moon, and there was no other movement from the nearby camp. Bryce made his way past his previous hiding spot, and out into the desert, blending into the night.

It had been a long flight home and Bryce was exhausted. He unlocked the door to his second floor apartment, flipped on the lights and went in. His apartment was small; 1 bedroom, 1 bathroom, and a kitchen/living room area. It was cramped and cluttered with odds and ends he’d collected over the years but not what anyone would call un-clean. Books lined a wall to wall bookshelf and some sat in stacks around the living room. He had just a few pieces of furniture; an old brown leather lazy boy, a small 2 cushion couch, and a cheap pressed board entertainment center with a TV and stereo stragically placed in the appropriate cubby holes.

Shrugging out of his coat, he laid it across the back of the lazy boy and went to take a shower. He hadn’t stopped to rest since leaving the tomb, nervous that the archeologist he had hit would be able to identify him somehow, so he’d just hopped a plane as soon as possible, not even sleeping during the flight. He was exhausted and dirty. First things first, he thought. Shower. Then Bed. Then I can call “Mr. Anonomyse” and let him know his prize is here.

Bryce let the hot water run over his body and sooth away the aches and pains. When he had finally ran out of hot water, he toweled off and crawled into bed, not bothering to put on any clothes, or dry his dark blond hair. He thought he would be asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow, but instead he found himself thinking about the temple, the pendant, and the woman who had caught him there. How had she known he was in there? He was too far inside for the light from his flashlight to be seen, he had been quiet; not even the ancient door opening for the first time in however many hundreds of years had barely made a noise. Strangely, he hoped she was okay. That thought got him wondering why he cared so much. He’d killed before to get the prize he was after. Why would simply hurting someone bother him? He knew why. Because he’d already seen and done too much violence. He was done; burnt out. Tired of retrieving ancient and rare treasures for rich people. Tired of hurting innocents, even if it was better than just killing them. He was just tired. He threw his arm over his eyes and tried to block faces that always appeared to him when he closed his eyes. Bryce wasn’t a killer. Every life he had ever taken was burned onto to his very soul; a weight he carried with him always. At least that part of his life was done. No more innocents to add to the long list. No more Tomb raiding, no more killing. Once this transaction was completed, he would walk away.

As they often do when he thinks of leaving, his thoughts turned to his life before the raiding and killing. These memories were….fuzzy and distant, like they belonged to someone else. He could remember his mother holding him after he had a bad fall. That one was more feeling of comfort and safety than acutal, visual memory. He remembered a man, tall and strong, but cold and remote. He could see things that seemed like he had lived through; college, dating and some kind of military training, but when he tried to focus on them, the memories skitted away like butter on a hot pan. All he could remember with any clarity is the first tomb he had robbed, the item he had to retireve and the 3 people he had killed in the process. That memory was strong, their faces crystal clear in his head. Just like all of the killing and stealing after that.

Bryce finally fell into a fitfull sleep. He tossed and turned all night, having nightmares that he couldn’t rememeber the next day. When he woke up, the sun was streaming through the windows on the east side of his bedroom. He stretched, threw the blankets back and made his way to the bathroom. Even though he lived alone, he closed the bathroom door and locked it. He examined his naked body in the full length mirror that was on the back of the door. Not for the first time, he was surprised at how well toned he was for being his age. He’s tall, over 6 foot 3, his stomach still held it’s washboard firmness, his dark blond hair was full, wavey and was trimmed neatly just above his ears and his green eyes are still striking and sharp. His arms were muscular with out being bulky, his shoulders are wide and his chest sports just a little bit of blond hair. He was tan, for the most part. Definitly not pasty white and sparkly…hahaha He looked as if he played professional baseball or was a career military man. Fit, yet not young anymore he thought with a sigh. He relieved himself, brushed his teeth, and then went back to his bedroom to find some clothes.

Chapter 2

Laruen woke in the dark, cold tomb with her head throbbing. She layed there for a minute or so, trying to collect her thoughts. Carefully, she reached up and felt the back of her head. She felt dried blood in her hair. “Great.” she thought. “Just fucking fantastic. Not only did I botch the job, I got hit in the head in the process.” She sighed out loud, the action causing a shooting pain down her back. “Awesome. He stabbed me too, did he?” She felt around her back, but didn’t find an open wound. “What the….” Then her fingers brushed across something square, metal and cold. Not an object usually found on the dirty floor of a tomb. She absently put it in her pocket and picking herself off of the ground, she wandered unsteadily back out of the tomb into the rainy night.

The Archilolgist camp was still quiet. She snuck past the silent tent cluster to her jeep which she had hidden behind some growth. Since she had arrived and intended to leave under the cover of darkness, she hadn’t worried about hiding her means of transportation to much. Still, she held her breath when she turned over the engine. It was an older jeep, but the engine purred to life with out any problems or noise. As she drove back to her hotel, she thought about the man she had seen in the tomb. She had caught just a breif glimps of him before he had turned off his flashlight. He had the pendant, she knew that for sure, but who was he? Who was he working for? Was he just a tomb robber with no idea of what exactly he had? She doubted that last thought. The man moved with precision and grace. He knew what he was doing and what he was after. Her thoughts lingered on this mysterious man the whole 45 minute drive back to civilization. Once back at her hotel, she took a long warm shower to shake the chill from the rain. When she got out, she inspected her head as best as she could. Just a minor bump-no permanent damage. He had done this before. Hm. But why didn’t he just kill her? Another mystery. Feeling the bump on her head reminded Lauren of the object that was digging into her back as she lay on the tomb floor. Digging her pants out of the pile of clothes on the floor, she located the square metal object. It was an old fashioned lighter, the kind with a flip lid and refillable fluid. It was silver and had the initals BRM III engraved on the face. On the back there was an inscription:




*not sure where to go from here, but I'm thinking on it....

Wow

Okaaay. So it's been a while since I posted here. O.O I've been busy, okay? :o)

I have made a few posts on my myspace account. You can check them out here


So umm. Yeah. That's it for now. I should probably do some work related things today. At some point.
When I feel like it.

The Sorted Tale of Super Porportions

*Written By: A Colaboration of Twisted Minds (anj, mal, mich and maria)*

When their eyes met across the room, they both knew how the night was going to end. Gargamel had never seen a woman as beautiful as Cinderella. So what if she was covered in pig poo and smelled like last weeks chamber pot. She was gorgeous and, by the look in her eye, ready for some physical lovin. Gargamel stole a glance at his wife, Wonder Woman. He had been so attracted to her in the beginning. She used that Lasso of Truth like an extra appendage of her body and she knew how to rock it dirty. Lately, however, she seemed to spend a lot of time swimming. Gargamel could feel his man juices rising when he glanced back at Cinderella. She made a small motion to follow her when their eyes met again and she slipped out of the room quietly. Gargamel spared another glance at his wife, she was busy chatting it up with Aqua Man, so he followed Cinderella out into the hallway.

With her husband now out of sight, Wonder Woman began her routine of airing their dirty laundry to AquaMan. He had been her closest confidant for ages, almost like a big sister to her, as he’d say. She expressed her longing for someone worthy of her and her lasso quite often it would seem, as she’d belittle her husband nearly every time he’d step out of the room.

“His powers say nothing about him. They aren’t super in the slightest” She rolled her eyes before taking another bite from her hot dog, “ He can’t fly, and he surely can’t make my heart fly anymore”.

Aquaman listened with intent. “Have another drink.” He said as he held up a glass of Ocean water and Gin “and then we shall go for a swim. We can ride on a seahorse if you’d like”.

“No”, she said fed up. “I’d rather ride something else. Come on Aqua, let’s just try it out. To hell with your supposed fish fetish. Tell me you wouldn’t want a night with Wonder Woman”.

She staggered closer toward him holding the lasso, awaiting his brutally honest reply to her idea.

Wonder woman could feel her anticipation and her yearning to touch Aqua man....but she was afraid of his answer....slowly Aqua man walked over to her and gently put his hands on her face.....he leaned in and whispered...for you my friend I would do anything.....he kissed her red lips as if he was hungry....she felt the kiss spark through out her entire body so fierce that her legs gave way...he quickly grabbed her body and embraced her....he had secretly wanted her for a long time but he knew Gargamel would be furious and wouldnt share......

mean while in the hallway......

Gargamel quickly followed Cinderella.....he grabbed her by her shoulder and spun her around....Cinderella looked at him with tears in her eyes.....I am not worthy of your gaze....just look at me....i know Wonder Woman loves and adores you, but i cant help how my heart feels....and i am hideous....as she said her last work Gargamel gently kissed her.....Cinderella pulled back quickly...we cant, you musnt, what if....and she then kissed him back with such passion....she wanted this...she needed this....she had to have him...as she slowly kneeled down.....

. . . . . one thing led to another and before anybody knew what was happening Aqua Man and Wonder Woman were deep in the throws of passion and Cinderella and Gargamel were getting there swerve on too. It was the most amazing moment of passion any of them had ever felt.

A few weeks had passed by. Wonder Woman was at home cookin up some stew when she suddenly realized she was "late". No, not late to work but the dreaded "late" that meant nine months of throwing up and getting fat. She went to the doctors office the next afternoon only to find out her worst fear was true, she was pregnant. Then is occurred to her, the timing was just right, who was the baby daddy????!!?!!?! It could be Aqua Man, it could be her wretched husband Gargamel. She decided the only thing she could do was take Gargamel and Aqua Man onto the Maury Povich show entitled "I cheated on my husband with a member of the Justice League and now I don't know who the father of my possibly illegitimate child is". So, she told Gargamel that she was pregnant but told him nothing of the affair. The months past and finally Wonder Woman gave birth to a baby boy. Gargamel was thrilled and had many thoughts of staying with his wife and leaving Cinderella alone for good. He wanted to try and make his family work.

Wonder Woman told her husband they were taking a trip to New York to visit her mother, and boy was Gargamel surprised when he was being pushed onto the Maury stage in front of the world. Wonder Woman told her sob story to the audience and told her husband of her infidelity. He was crushed, and also confessed all of his wild, steamy nights spent with Cinderella. And then the time came for the paternity results. . . . . Gargamel, you are NOT the father. Gargamel ran off stage sobbing. Aqua Man, you are NOT the father! "WHAT!?!?!?" screams Wonder Woman. Aqua Man runs off stage yelling at Wonder Woman calling her a whore. Wonder Woman is speechless as Maury is backstage asking her if she knows any other possible fathers. It is then that she confesses to sleeping with Spiderman, Superman, Batman and Prince Charming. Maury promises to help her contact the other possible baby daddy's.

Gargamel and Cinderella move in together and start a family of their own. They are very happily living in the evil step mother's house. Aqua Man is now single with an ad out in the local paper "SWM (single, wet, male), loves long swims in the ocean and taking candle lit baths. Seeking honest woman, super powers a plus".

As for Wonder Woman, she still has yet to find her son's father. Spiderman, Superman and Batman were all tested and were not the father and Prince Charming won't return Maury's calls.

And they all lived DYSFUNCTIONALLY EVER AFTER. . . . .. THE END!!

The Game of Life

Sorry it's been ages since I last posted, guys. Life is so busy right now. I'm back at work 32 hours a week, and when I get home at night, all I want to do is play with the Crib Lizard. Man, he is the coolest! I love hanging out with him. I love making him smile, dancing around with him to oldies, and I love it when he falls asleep in my arms. Being a mom is, hands down, the best thing that I have ever been in my entire life.
There are so many things I want to talk about and tell you all, but this post would be HUGE, so I'm going to try to update you with out being long winded. Wish me luck..

Like I said before, I'm back at work 32 hours a week. Basically, Monday thru Thursday, 8 hours a day. We hired a nanny to watch Jay Monday thru Wednesday, and then the Hubby's mom takes him on her day off, Thursdays. She and Grandma Armijo spend the whole day with Jay! They go for walks and they play outside. Grandma A has told me over and over how much she looks forward to Thursdays. I think its good for Jay too. He gets to be with family all day and I know he doesn't want for anything while he's there. Heck, Dave's mom is as bad as mine is for jumping when Jay makes a noise. LOL The nanny we hired is such a sweetheart too. She's 19 and she currently works (well, its her last day) at a day care center. So she probably knows how to take care of the little guy better than I could. :o) Its going to be tight, money wise, but I think she is worth it.

Speaking of being worth it, I wonder if my job is anymore. I don't feel appreciated for all the things I do there. I walked into the office last Thursday and there were a couple of projects that got dropped in my lap right away. My boss even told me that I was "the only one who could do it". You would think that if I was so damn important, they would show a little love every now and then. Now we have a 60 year old office snitch, who the bosses have made "hall monitor". Like we are in fucking Junior High or something. Then they hired back a woman (again, an elderly lady) who quit last year and ran off to Arizona after marrying her great love. (Who had abandoned her years before when she got really sick and was in the hospital. Nice man, I'm sure.) Anyways, she gets a whole new position created for her and an office. I've been there 5 years, even answered questions over the phone while I was on maternity leave, came back early and they still treat me like I'm a newbie. So here's my plan. When I go back to full time, or even maybe before if they try to promote someone from below me seniority wise, I'm going to talk to my bosses and let them know I want to advance in the company. I want to grow into a better position. I wouldn't even mind trying my hand at being a manager. I'll take business classes or whatever, if they help pay for them. :o) If they say no, then I'll start looking for another job. I'm a smart person, I have excellent office skills, so I think I would be an asset to any company I work for. If this company isn't smart enough to see that, then they are going to loose me. What's sad is I think some of the other girls would walk with me. Princess Maria for one. I think Kurtis would too, although I can't really count him as one of the girls. He's too buff to be a chick, although he can act a little fruity sometimes. LOL

Slutty Hoe and Lord Dragon are getting married!!! I am so super pumped about that. I guess I can't call her Slutty Hoe no more, though. She in no longer Slutty nor a Hoe. Hmm. New nickname time. guess I could call her Lady Dragon. Then I would have 2 LD's. :o)

Life is really great right now. I feel like I'm the happiest I have ever been in my life. Things are great with the Hubby. He has really stepped up to the plate. He's wonderful with the little guy and he seems to be more attentive to me too.

I do my best to treasure the time I get with my family and let go the stresses and worries of life. I know, though, that life has to have balance of good and bad times. You must except the bad times because it helps make the good times be that more special.

Okay, well, I tried to keep it short, but I didn't do very well. Sorry, y'all. I'm silent for months and then write you a novel.
Anyways, here's a picture for you guys. Love ya. I'll try to write again soon.

Sleep? What's That??!

Hi guys. Sorry its been a while since I updated. Life has been really......busy, different, wonderful. Take your pick of those descriptions because its all of them. :o)
I am absolutely loving being a mom. Even when he is screaming (angry dragon™ as the Hubby likes to call it) I look at him and I'm filled with a sense of wonder and awe. I still can't believe that I helped create him. I find it hard to believe that something that beautiful and perfect is mine. I hope that feeling never goes away.
He is doing great. He really doesn't scream that much. Usually just in the evening time for some reason. He is sleeping about 3 to 4 hours at night now and drinks about 4 to 6 ounces of milk at a time. (what a little piggy!)
I ended up getting a boom box (are they still called that?? anyways..) for his room that has a CD and a tape player. The CD player is for these awesome Cd's Leah sent him that are Metallica and Pink Floyd done lullaby style. Man they are cool! (he seems to dig the Floyd one more then Metallica but ah well. I like them both.)
The tape player is for the Wee Free Men as read by Stephen Briggs that was sent to him from Dave and Wendy in England. It is too cool as well! I love how Mr. Briggs does the accents of the Feegles! James seems to dig that as well. We sit and rock, eat and listen to the story of Tiffany and the Feegles. You can find what the hell I'm talking about here.
Anyways, he will be up again soon, so I'm going to try to squeeze in a load of laundry really quick. I love you all and I'll try to update again soon. Until then, here is what the background on my computer is right now:


Is that cute or what? :o)