I should be writing. Not here on this blog, but working on Agents. Making it tighter, giving the characters some depth. Instead, I'm on the back porch, cigarette between my lips, blogging. I've not blogged for a long while. Months. So why am I here instead of working? (The hubby says writing is my job now. Sweet, yet misguided in my opinion.) I'm here because my creative juices are..just...not flowing. I love my characters in Agents. I can see them in my head. I'm having a hellova time making them come alive on the page. I have it in me to do it. I think. Maybe not. If I can see them, though, I should be able to make my readers see them too. Right? *sigh*

So, I'm hoping by writing whatever comes to my mind on here will help open up the flows of creativity that I know are in there somewhere. Untapped wells of brilliance hidden under layers and layers of shit floating thru my mind.

I dreamt of Hoskins the other night. Not that kind of dream, you pervs. The point is the next morning I had a text from him. Coincidence? I don't believe in them. Everything happens for a reason and although he is okay and I'm okay, I think I needed to hear from him and somehow, he knew. That happens a lot with the people I'm close to. There's a word for it. Family. Sharing the same blood line isn't important or necessary. People form bonds, share memories and somehow end up connected. Sometimes it seems the hubby can read my mind. I think that's because we've been together for so long. I KNOW my sis can read my mind. She knows my intentions no matter how I try to hide them. She can tell if I'm drunk, even if she's across the room. (Maybe I'm an obvious drunk? I don't think so. Missy didn't seem to notice and she was right next to me. Hell, she SAW me take those two or three huge tequila shots.) Anyways, my point is, my sis know me better than anyone and it's because she's been my best friend since she was born. Of course, it took us a few years to figure out we were friends, but the entire time we were learning about each other. Right sis? ;o)

Of course, it doesn't help my writing that I'm away from the comp every tem minutes with the little one. How do you say no to the little voice that asks you "Play with me please mommy." Yeah. Only the hardest of hearts could turn that down. So inteast of writing, I find myself drifting mustangs on the coffee table or playing trains or reading a book. I don't feel like that isn't time well spent, I just wish sometimes there were more hours in a day. I'd let the hubby take over when he gets home from work, but he wants to relax or do things around the house and then, later, when the kid is in bed, that's when the hubby wants to spend time with me. Not enough hours.

I do nap and enjoy eight hours of rest at night, which kind of worries me. Not so much the eight hours at night, but the naps. If I go a couple of days with out one, I get really cranky and it's hard to last past 9 by the second day. Am I just getting old? Am I depressed? *shrug* Could be either one or something else entirely.

This is so not working. I'm texting Mitch and thinking about facebook. C'mon Muse, where are you? How can I entice you to whisper inspiration in my ear? Elli, Jacen, Abe, Jess, Keith, they all burn within me to have their stories told. All I can think of right now is if anyone has commented on my status. :o/ I need help.
FB aholics or something.
Guess I'll check it. Just really quick......HA! two likes and a comment. lol I'm so pathetic.


Okay, so I'm going to do some research for Agents and then seriously bust into it. No, really. I swear. Sis, I know it'll never be perfect, but it can still be better. The begining is slow and then it picks up. I don't want it to be slow anywhere. And it seems flat. The characters are lifeless. Some parts are good and some are really, really terrible. So, I know you have been impatiently waiting and it'll be done soon. I'm so ready for the next book and I hope I can do better on this one from the start.
Really really. Give me another week. Then, hopefully, I'll be satisfied enough that I won't mind if complete strangers read it. ;o)