I'm stuck. I suck. I like s-words

*sighs* See? I'm stuck on S-words today. Jay's discovered he can tell what letter a word starts with if he sounds it out. I know. He's so fracking smart!! Anyways, once we find a word, like snail, we see how many other words start with the same letter. You really don't know how limited your vocabulary is until you're 12 deep into S words. (obviously trying not to repeat any) It's pretty fun, but makes my hand itch for a dictionary. :o)

So Agents is done, published and already purchased (thank you all very much!). I'm having a hellova time starting anything new though. I know I said I had a sappy romance on the brain but it's a struggle to get through. It's like my muse has gone on vacation. I'm not even interested in book 2 of AoG. It's so fracking weird because every single time I've finished working on Agents, I got excited about the next one. I mean, seriously, I've got some killer notes and ideas. Even if everyone comes back and says Agents is 'mule vomit' I'll probably still write the story's because Elli and Jacen deserve it. I think I would. I hope. Maybe?
I dunno.

I'm not looking for you to tell me (again) that I don't suck as bad as I think. You guys love me and of course you're going to say that. I just want to release some of this anxiety I've been having. My thoughts are scattered and I can't seem to focus. I don't know what, exactly, is wrong or how I can go about fixing it. No, I'm not pregnant. Just got done bleeding, thankyouverymuch. I just wish they made a focus tea or something.

I read a book in a 3 hour span (while Jay napped) yesterday. A Harlequin Romance and O.M.G was it hawt. 4 bucks at wally world and it rocked my socks. I don't know if I can do that. I mean the sex scenes. Don't get me wrong. I can write them. I wish I had saved some of my steamy emails over the years, but what I can't handle is you guys reading it. I mean, I don't want you picturing ME in those scenes, or I dunno. Just seems hella dirty. *chuckling*

Maybe I'll give it a whirl and tell myself you'll never read it. Maybe I'll submit it to Harlequin if I think it comes out good enough and if they like it, well, then MAYBE I'll tell you about it. My point is, don't hold your breath for the romance novel. I'm pretty sure I can work on more than one story at a time. I usually have a couple of different books going with out any problem. I will work on the next AoG book. (Light, I need a title for it)

Til next time..thanks for listening to me rant, babble and generally be selfish. I'm glad you got your book today sis. I hope you enjoy it.

Love, Peace and Chicken Grease

Give me a P! Give me a R! Give me an O! Give me a C! Give me another R! Give me an A! Give me a....ahh never mind.

Hello Again! I know. Two blog posts in as many months. Well, wipe the shock off your faces. I'm blogging again for the same reason I did before when I was working-procrastination. Yup. I've got stories I should be writing. Which brings me to a side note:

Agents is done. It was supposed to be on sale today, but there was a problem with the cover. *sighs* My problem, ultimately, is I'm impatient. I don't take the time I need to do things right the first effing time which causes longer delays in the end. Why can't I learn that lesson?! Anyways, I got the problem fixed, and it WILL be done tomorrow. I'm a little scared. You guys are my biggest (and, lets face it, my ONLY) fans. LOL But that's okay, cause you guys are the BEST fans I could ever wish for. But...I don't know. I worry that Agents sucks balls. I worry that anyone who reads it will be so offended by my idiocy that they'll refuse to ever speak to me again. They'll want to avoid possibly becoming dumber just by associating with me. What? That shit happens. The hubby asked me if I was going to order a final copy for myself. I said I was. Good, he tells me, I want to read it. My hubby, who does not read anything that doesn't have pictures. Not that he's illiterate, but he prefers information type books. He always has his nose stuck in one of the two gun encyclopedia's I got him. I told him I would be really embarrassed. It's a CHICK story. I know it is. Yeah, there's some action and stuff, but for the most part, its for the girls. I would be just as mortified if my DAD read it. For some reason, I don't mind if Brother reads my stories. Maybe it's cause he's ALWAYS read them. I dunno, but it is nice to have a guy give his opinions.

Anyways, what really sucks (and coming back to the whole procrastination thing) is I have MORE story's to write. Book 2 of the Armor of God series. (No more than 3, I think-book 2 is going to be...complicated. I'm actually really excited to see what's in store for Elli and the gang.) This other story that's going to be a romance. *shaking my head* It's fiction, obviously, but its not fantasy, supernatural, or anything like that. Just ordinary people overcoming extraordinary situation. Really a-typical but this story has been burning up my brain waves. I think about it all the time. Then there is Bryce Marshalls, which I think the guys would like better. And I have a beginning of a story Hoskins started writing back in high school. I really want to work on that with him. I think that it would be fantastic.

There are others that are just glimmers of idea's right now. The reason why it sucks is because if Agents sucks balls, then what the hell makes me think I can write these other stories? My idea's feel like birds who fly into my brain and roost. I think if I tried, I could just let those birds fly free and they can roost in some one else's brain. Maybe someone better at writing the stories the birds carry. Then part of me kicks in and says Carpe Diem, Bitch! What it boils down to is I love writing. Even if my stories or writing sucks, I still enjoy it. I guess its kinda like singing in the shower. Sure, I'll never be an American Idol or any of that bullshit, but I have fun and most importantly, I'm entertaining myself. lol.

I think I need to write my cheesy paperback romance (it will be an adult novel. I don't want to limit myself on this one) and then work on the second book of AoG. If I can get the cheese out of the way, maybe it'll free up some waves for AoG.

I guess what I should do is just start writing and see what the hell happens.Heh. But I'm not. I'm totally sitting here, blogging. I could be in my cubie right now for all you guys know. Cept, I'm not. I'm on the back porch, in my jammies. That's right. I haven't even showered yet today.
No really, I'm going right now. After I check face book. And then I'm totally there. I'll send out the link for Agents tomorrow. Maybe today, we'll see how fast they get back to me.


So until next time...I hope y'all have a great day and a wonderful weekend.
Love ya.

Update (not even an hour later): It's Done! Agents is for sale!


Whoa. I wrote a book in less than a year. Sure, it might be what happens when a mule has mud butt, however, it's done. I finished it from beginning to end. Go me. :o)

I should be writing. Not here on this blog, but working on Agents. Making it tighter, giving the characters some depth. Instead, I'm on the back porch, cigarette between my lips, blogging. I've not blogged for a long while. Months. So why am I here instead of working? (The hubby says writing is my job now. Sweet, yet misguided in my opinion.) I'm here because my creative juices are..just...not flowing. I love my characters in Agents. I can see them in my head. I'm having a hellova time making them come alive on the page. I have it in me to do it. I think. Maybe not. If I can see them, though, I should be able to make my readers see them too. Right? *sigh*

So, I'm hoping by writing whatever comes to my mind on here will help open up the flows of creativity that I know are in there somewhere. Untapped wells of brilliance hidden under layers and layers of shit floating thru my mind.

I dreamt of Hoskins the other night. Not that kind of dream, you pervs. The point is the next morning I had a text from him. Coincidence? I don't believe in them. Everything happens for a reason and although he is okay and I'm okay, I think I needed to hear from him and somehow, he knew. That happens a lot with the people I'm close to. There's a word for it. Family. Sharing the same blood line isn't important or necessary. People form bonds, share memories and somehow end up connected. Sometimes it seems the hubby can read my mind. I think that's because we've been together for so long. I KNOW my sis can read my mind. She knows my intentions no matter how I try to hide them. She can tell if I'm drunk, even if she's across the room. (Maybe I'm an obvious drunk? I don't think so. Missy didn't seem to notice and she was right next to me. Hell, she SAW me take those two or three huge tequila shots.) Anyways, my point is, my sis know me better than anyone and it's because she's been my best friend since she was born. Of course, it took us a few years to figure out we were friends, but the entire time we were learning about each other. Right sis? ;o)

Of course, it doesn't help my writing that I'm away from the comp every tem minutes with the little one. How do you say no to the little voice that asks you "Play with me please mommy." Yeah. Only the hardest of hearts could turn that down. So inteast of writing, I find myself drifting mustangs on the coffee table or playing trains or reading a book. I don't feel like that isn't time well spent, I just wish sometimes there were more hours in a day. I'd let the hubby take over when he gets home from work, but he wants to relax or do things around the house and then, later, when the kid is in bed, that's when the hubby wants to spend time with me. Not enough hours.

I do nap and enjoy eight hours of rest at night, which kind of worries me. Not so much the eight hours at night, but the naps. If I go a couple of days with out one, I get really cranky and it's hard to last past 9 by the second day. Am I just getting old? Am I depressed? *shrug* Could be either one or something else entirely.

This is so not working. I'm texting Mitch and thinking about facebook. C'mon Muse, where are you? How can I entice you to whisper inspiration in my ear? Elli, Jacen, Abe, Jess, Keith, they all burn within me to have their stories told. All I can think of right now is if anyone has commented on my status. :o/ I need help.
FB aholics or something.
Guess I'll check it. Just really quick......HA! two likes and a comment. lol I'm so pathetic.


Okay, so I'm going to do some research for Agents and then seriously bust into it. No, really. I swear. Sis, I know it'll never be perfect, but it can still be better. The begining is slow and then it picks up. I don't want it to be slow anywhere. And it seems flat. The characters are lifeless. Some parts are good and some are really, really terrible. So, I know you have been impatiently waiting and it'll be done soon. I'm so ready for the next book and I hope I can do better on this one from the start.
Really really. Give me another week. Then, hopefully, I'll be satisfied enough that I won't mind if complete strangers read it. ;o)