Hey, my loyal readers...Its not Friday yet!! But I have to say I am flattered at the requests for a blog post. You love me, You Really Love me!! Okay, Sally Fields moment over.
Well, lets see, I promised an update on how I was feeling about this whole parenting thing. I have thought a lot on it and I don't think its the parenting part that has got me worried. Its the whole being pregnant thing. My body feels out of control, my dreams are out of control, and I feel "different". Not like the normal "me" at all. I wont go into details, but all my body functions are screwy. I feel extremely horney one minute and the next I feel like I never want to be touched again. Hopefully all this will pass when the baby comes. I mean for the sake of pete, other women have passed this trial, surely I can too. I every bit of a bad ass as they are. But I think the pre-pregnancy information is sadly lacking. I feel like its some sort of secret society that just gets sprung on you when that little blue line appears on the pee stick. Well, I'm sure Miss Hobbit would have shared her infinite Mommy knowledge, had I known at the time what questions to ask.
I think I'm going to enjoy being a parent though. I can not wait to meet my little one, see what he/she looks like, get to know their little personality. I look forward to trying to teach them right from wrong, good from bad, and protecting them as much as I can with out smothering. (Ever notice that "smothering" is made of the word "mothering", with an additional "s". Hm. Interesting)
I really don't think I want to be pregnant again, though. I'm so disappointed in myself for it too. I always figured I would love it, feeling that little life growing inside me. Knowing that, for 9 months, its just me and him/her. Maybe once I get further along I will feel that way. Right now, however, I just want them to get here so I can have my body back. Its been mine for so long that I am having a terrible time sharing.
Instead of calling the baby him/her or it, I'm just going to name it The Crib Lizard. I heard that the other day and it cracked me up, so since everyone else on here has a nickname, the little person growing in me might as well too. Crib Lizard. Very southwesterny..
My dreams, whoa. Any of you women out there thinking of getting pregnant, beware. Your dreams are vivid every single night. I have not had nightmares where I was actually afraid since I was a kid, until the past few months. Mass murder in New York, a man made of fire and this poor Chinese chick had to sacrifice herself to him. Not to mention my big black lesbian lover. *shaking my head*
Once again, all in the joys of parenting.
Note: I wrote this in a hurry at the end of the day so if there are spelling mistakes, well bite me.
1 comment:
Don't feel dissapointed, I know literally no woman who perceived it as a kind of constant bliss... It's all a rollercoaster between little epiphanies and episodes of freaking out, with a lot of joy, and a lot of hard stuff. Most women had moments where they were creeped out by how their behaviour changed, the way they perceived themselves and the rest of the world, and above all how inhabited they felt. I remember that I loved the tiny whiner long before its birth, but that didn't mean I couldn't occasionally panic because I, who always needed more time on her own than the other kids to be content, I, who enjoys so much to be on her own, suddenly had no choice than to bear with someone demanding whatever, kicking when I was tired, and whatnot. I guess it's a good preparation for what comes afterwards - you're so glad to be able to sleep on your belly again and have at least your insides for yourself that the rest seems manageable.
One advice only: Don't try to prove anything in the first trimester. You may be a lot more tired than later when people will actually start to perceive you as pregnant and become a little protective. I know, we've all been pregnant, not sick, even though some are both... Some of the enrergy will return in month four or so, and taking it all out of you is way more risky until then than it will be in later terms, when they will actually start offering you seats on the bus. :-P
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