Please say hello to Eleanor 'Super Brat' Biesecker.
Aww..
Welcome, Elli.
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Monday, July 29, 2013
The writer must write what he has to say, not speak it. --Ernest Hemmingway
So very true. A lot of times I have a hard time articulating what I want to say. Especially when put on the spot. Especially to someone that I admire and look up to. And because I am a girl, my tear ducts are directly wired to my emotions and anything that I feel strongly manifests itself as moisture leaking from my eyes. So very frustrating.
So, Charley, this post is for you. To be able to say the things I want with out the emotion. Yes, I know. This isn't a discussion in which two parties take part. I'm aware that you will have opinions and actual logic and facts that you will want to use to present your side of the discussion and I look forward to hearing them. For now, though, I need to write this out so that I can organize my thoughts. Believe it or not, I do enjoy our discussions. I just wish I could contribute more....intellectually.
Something that weighs on me is that you think that I don't believe in love. I do believe in it. I feel it on a lot of different levels-all the time. The first time I laid eyes on my son, I fell so deeply in love I felt like I drowned in the feeling. When I surfaced, I knew, with out a shadow of doubt what unconditional love was. I knew that no matter what he did in life, what kind of person he turned out to be, that I would love him. No matter what. He will piss me off from time to time, and yes, he is an asshole sometimes but I will always love him. Even if he became a nasty serial killer. Or someone who tortured puppies. I'd love him but, I'd be really pissed and disgusted. And looking for professional help. But I digress. (Ha! Digress-Word of the day 2 days ago..) The point is, unconditional love. Its a deep, patient love. I believe dogs love us that way. Isn't commonly found between spouses.
I love my husband. He is my family. He's on the same level as my mom, dad, brother in law, or whatever. I love him, but I don't feel passionate about it. He doesn't inspire me to write poems or songs. He isn't on my mind 24/7. He feels like a roommate with benefits and maybe that's fucked up, but that's how it feels to me. He's there. He's replaceable, interchangeable. And there it is. The root of what I want to say. The type of love that I don't believe in is the kind where the person ISN'T interchangeable. That there is one person out there, specially created for you. Fate made you, whatever fate is, especially to be with that one person. A friend of mine told me of a myth-for the life of me, I can't remember what religion or whatever it came from. The myth goes that someone (We'll call Him Big G.) created a being with 2 heads, 4 arms and 4 legs. Then Big G realized this being was too powerful, so He split it apart and scattered that halves all over the Earth, thinking they would never find each other. Isn't that sweet? So romantic. That shit totally happens, right?
Nope. The truth of it is that we are interchangeable. It doesn't matter that it's me (my soul- or whatever you want to call what makes me so uniquely me), the hubby just needs a woman that fits his criteria. Same goes for me. I just need a man who fits mine. I would be a good wife for a wide range of men, not just Dave because I know how to take care of a man and a family and I actually enjoy it doing it. He would be fine husband for a lot of different women. He's pretty low maintenance, keeps busy, and he's loyal. I don't have to worry about him cheating.
No one is perfect. Not me. Not anyone. But I'm reminded of a saying my son learned in preschool and is fond of saying..."You get what you get and you don't throw a fit." Am I sad that the love like I described above doesn't exist? Sure. Does it weigh on me? No. In all honesty, I can be happy with out that. I have for the last 15 (or is it 16 now?) years. I do love him. But is he my other half? The person who completes me? I really don't think so. I feel like I know him, but it feels like he barely knows me. But who cares. I barely know me. I love him and he's not only who I chose but who I'll be with until death do us part because you get what you get and you don't throw a fit..
So there it is. There is the love that I don't believe in. I think I might have beat you in cynicism this time.
Wow. So..I'm going to totally post this so I can get my girls thoughts on this....Panel, what do you think? True love is real and I've got HUGE issues? Or is it that we're just all here and we're lucky to find someone who'll put up with our shit while not being too psycho and...you know.... homicidal.
Update: Guys do have feelings! And they feel them as much as we do!! Cra-zee
So, Charley, this post is for you. To be able to say the things I want with out the emotion. Yes, I know. This isn't a discussion in which two parties take part. I'm aware that you will have opinions and actual logic and facts that you will want to use to present your side of the discussion and I look forward to hearing them. For now, though, I need to write this out so that I can organize my thoughts. Believe it or not, I do enjoy our discussions. I just wish I could contribute more....intellectually.
Something that weighs on me is that you think that I don't believe in love. I do believe in it. I feel it on a lot of different levels-all the time. The first time I laid eyes on my son, I fell so deeply in love I felt like I drowned in the feeling. When I surfaced, I knew, with out a shadow of doubt what unconditional love was. I knew that no matter what he did in life, what kind of person he turned out to be, that I would love him. No matter what. He will piss me off from time to time, and yes, he is an asshole sometimes but I will always love him. Even if he became a nasty serial killer. Or someone who tortured puppies. I'd love him but, I'd be really pissed and disgusted. And looking for professional help. But I digress. (Ha! Digress-Word of the day 2 days ago..) The point is, unconditional love. Its a deep, patient love. I believe dogs love us that way. Isn't commonly found between spouses.
I love my husband. He is my family. He's on the same level as my mom, dad, brother in law, or whatever. I love him, but I don't feel passionate about it. He doesn't inspire me to write poems or songs. He isn't on my mind 24/7. He feels like a roommate with benefits and maybe that's fucked up, but that's how it feels to me. He's there. He's replaceable, interchangeable. And there it is. The root of what I want to say. The type of love that I don't believe in is the kind where the person ISN'T interchangeable. That there is one person out there, specially created for you. Fate made you, whatever fate is, especially to be with that one person. A friend of mine told me of a myth-for the life of me, I can't remember what religion or whatever it came from. The myth goes that someone (We'll call Him Big G.) created a being with 2 heads, 4 arms and 4 legs. Then Big G realized this being was too powerful, so He split it apart and scattered that halves all over the Earth, thinking they would never find each other. Isn't that sweet? So romantic. That shit totally happens, right?
Nope. The truth of it is that we are interchangeable. It doesn't matter that it's me (my soul- or whatever you want to call what makes me so uniquely me), the hubby just needs a woman that fits his criteria. Same goes for me. I just need a man who fits mine. I would be a good wife for a wide range of men, not just Dave because I know how to take care of a man and a family and I actually enjoy it doing it. He would be fine husband for a lot of different women. He's pretty low maintenance, keeps busy, and he's loyal. I don't have to worry about him cheating.
No one is perfect. Not me. Not anyone. But I'm reminded of a saying my son learned in preschool and is fond of saying..."You get what you get and you don't throw a fit." Am I sad that the love like I described above doesn't exist? Sure. Does it weigh on me? No. In all honesty, I can be happy with out that. I have for the last 15 (or is it 16 now?) years. I do love him. But is he my other half? The person who completes me? I really don't think so. I feel like I know him, but it feels like he barely knows me. But who cares. I barely know me. I love him and he's not only who I chose but who I'll be with until death do us part because you get what you get and you don't throw a fit..
So there it is. There is the love that I don't believe in. I think I might have beat you in cynicism this time.
Wow. So..I'm going to totally post this so I can get my girls thoughts on this....Panel, what do you think? True love is real and I've got HUGE issues? Or is it that we're just all here and we're lucky to find someone who'll put up with our shit while not being too psycho and...you know.... homicidal.
Update: Guys do have feelings! And they feel them as much as we do!! Cra-zee
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)