Happy Day!

Its Finally Friday! God, this week has sucked. The Bitch In Santa Fe™ has tried fucking with me non-stop all week and I finally had to tell her off yesterday. That felt really good. :o) Plus the morning sickness has peaked this week, so I have been bowing to the porcelain god every single morning and nothing seemed to make that better except for time. Around noon I can get down a hamburger and some fries, preferably Lotaburger.

Today seems to be better, though and I haven't ralphed once! Plus I just got down a breakfast burrito and its not wanting to make a reappearance, yet! I am cautiously optimistic, though. Alright, enough about my stomachs extracurricular activities.

I received lots of good news this week, so I guess it hasn't been an entire bust. First off, I had my first docs appointment on Wed and the midwife used the word "perfect" several times. That made me feel a lot better, although I had to wait an hour in the waiting room and pay 15 bucks to get violated to get that little bit of news. Sucks to be a girl sometimes. Oh! And I heard yesterday that LA has finally gotten off their lazy, useless, giant asses and hired someone to take over working for The Bitch In Santa Fe™ like they were supposed to do, oh, 4 friggen months ago. Now, when the poor sucker will start and when my duties will be entirely relinquished, I have no idea, but the light at the end of the tunnel is getting bigger and it isn't a giant freight train about to run me over.

Our computers and phones are down because of the rain last night and hopefully they will stay that way all day. I dont want to work today, I certainly dont want to do anything for That Bitch In Santa Fe™. But we will see how the day progresses.

Thats about it for now. TGIF, my friends, TGIF.

Brittany Sprears is SOOOO Hot

Oh yeah, I want to look just like her when I am 8 months pregnant. Guess I better stock up on my Cheeto's and Hershy's bars.


Brittany, girl, I know you cant do your usual exercises, however, if you could pry that big ass of yours off of the couch for 10 minutes, a walk would do you some good. You look like Jabba the Hut goes Trailer Trash.

Quick, hide the wookies...I mean cookies. Screw it, hide them both, neither are safe from Jabba the Brittany...

Updated

Ello, Ello! No I said "Ello", but that's close enough. Would you like to come in, have some tea, meet the missus?........Whoa..totally had a labyrinth moment there..No Worries, I'm all better now. Just be happy I didn't don my grey tights, rat my hair out, and start singing with a bunch of muppets. Hey, you know when you hang out with me, anything is possible.

I would like to direct your attention to the side bar. I have made a few changes, and some updates. One thing you may notice is Slutty Hoe is no longer a contributor. Sorry, Slutty Hoe. You seem to do your blogging on myspace, so I thought I would go ahead and remove you so my profile shows up there again. I know, how selfish of me. I prostrate myself before you and beg your forgiveness. Actually, this is my blog so meh, I prostrate nothing..

Second, I have added a couple of links to the side. I don't know if you all noticed I put up a link to my friend Leah's blog. She is one hell of a writer and editor and one crazy creative bitch. (she would have to be crazy to be my friend huh? Its not like I surround myself with normal people. Normal people suck, then snowball their boyfriends.) I also linked to a kick ass jewelry guy, Paul J. Badali. He carries a wide varity of items ranging from animal themed to Celtic, all of which is beautiful. I have purchased a few items from him and have never been disappointed. Barrie still Kicks Ass as the Official Discworld Jeweler, and Paul Kidby has anything else related to Discworld that your little heart may desire. In fact, if I ever win the lottery, after buying a house, paying off all my friends/family, and starting my World Rally career with James, I would spend at least a grand there. (In UK Dollars, of course)

What else...Oh yeah, my stomach has been doing cartwheels on a daily basis from the time I get up til about 4 or 5 in the afternoon. Ahh..morning/all day sickness brought on by being all preggo and shit. At least I found somewhat of a helper. After trying everything from giving up my coffee to other radical changes in my diet (IE No deep fried foods. OMG this kid is going to KILL me!)I found that peppermint and spearmint hard candies seem to sooth the savage beast that is my digestive tract. Thanks and MAD PROPS to Miss Hobbitt for that suggestion.

Work still sucks cause I still have to deal with that waste of skin, dirty, treehugging, muff diving, old bitch, Bianca. However, I got some good news today that my working with her may soon come to an end. Not in the firery crash, blaze of glory, guns firing, Rambo-esk ending I had dreamed of, but an ending none the less. Good thing too, cause I was on the verge of pretending I work for the Post office and driving to Santa Fe with my AK-47.
Ha. I dont think I even have an AK..I have an SKS. Do you think that would disqualify me from the Postal Service NRA?

Okay, I think thats it for now. See some of you this weekend, and for the others, well see you when I can.
Lots of Love and Hugs from the Anj...

Ode to Toasters (For Leah)

Walking along with my friend one day
I turned to her and had to say
"why do you treat your toaster so bad?
Call him names, make him feel sad.
All he wants is to toast your bread,
but you go out and get doughnuts instead."
My friend turned to me and quietly stated
"My toaster is my greatest love, he makes me elated.
I only say those mean things to hide the truth,
the doughnuts I buy to pacify my sweet tooth.
In all reality I love my toaster so,
No matter what happens, I'll never let him go."

We continued on our walk, while I contemplated the situation,
Finally I came to the grim resignation,
My friend is a freak, in love with a toaster
But I can't say anything, I had an affair with a coaster.

I hope you liked it Miss Leah. Love you.

"The Story of Smurfette's Nasty Snatch"...

I wrote this in a moment of boredom here at work and it made Princess Maria Laugh, so I thought in lieu of a real post, I would share it with the rest of you. A real post to follow shortly..(Okay, like tomorrow or Monday)



One day, Handy Smurf was walking thru the forest, looking for smurf berries, when he began to smell something like a pile of dead fish. (Literally he could almost smell the "pile", really! Smurfs have an incredible sense of smell! ) He came around a tree and behold the smell was coming from another Smurf!

"How in the world could a smurf smell like that?" Handy wondered.
Since he was curious as well as handy, he went to go talk to the smelly smurf.
"What the smurf have you been eating, young Smurf? It smurfin smells like a pile of smurfin dead fish over here!" he asked

"Sniff, sniff. There isn't any reason to use such foul language." the smelly smurf said.
"But, for smurfs sake! I'm about to regurgitate all my smurf berries!" Handy cried out
"sniff sniff snort snort. I'm smurfin sorry! Its Gargamel !" the smelly smurf said.
"Gargamel?! Sure, his feet smell like Azrel pissed on his socks and then left them out in the sun to bake, but I haven't ever smelled this strong fishy smell like I do right now! Look! Your scaring away all the forest creatures!!!"
"Gargamel put a curse on my smurf hole! He said anytime I opened my legs it would reek like a pile of dead fish. If I shake my little smurf butt while my legs are spread, fish heads will fall out of my smurfin smurf hole!! What am I going to do?!" the poor little stinky smurf sobbed.
"Well, what's your name? I cant very well smurfing call you Nasty Smelling Smurf. Or Deadfishy Smurf" Handy said
"I'm Smurfette" she said.
"Well, Smurfette, I will help you but can you walk back to the smurf village with your knees together? If I smell any more of your nasty snatch, I'm going to smurfing puke"

So the two smurfs head back to the village. Handy walking about 10 feet in front of Smurfette. Smurfette came waddling the best she can with the knees together. Even still, as she walks by, flowers wilted, trees cringed, and the birds drop dead right out of the sky.

As soon as they made it back to the smurf village, Handy took Smurfette to go see the wise old Pimp Daddy Poppa Smurf.

"Whoa, who smells like an over smurfed hooker?!" Exclaimed Pimp Daddy poppa Smurf
"Sniff, Sniff, Its me o-wise and great pimp daddy poppa smurf! Gargamel put a curse on me, causing my smufing smurf hole to reek like dead fish!" said the smelly Smurfette.
"that's no curse!" Said the pimp daddy poppa smurf. "that's just plain over use! What you smurfin need to do, is go down to the river and wash your stinking smurf hole, you smurfin smurfin smurf!"
"What foul language you all have!" Said Smurfette
"Not as foul as your snatch, so go wash up. I don't want you spreading diseases to my other healthy little smurfs"

So Smurfette went down to the river and washed her nasty ole snatch. While at the river she discovered some vinegar and used it as well. When she got back to the village, she smelled so much better that the other smurfs fell over themselves to get in her smurf pants. Of course she wasn't wearing any, so that made it easy for the other smurfs. In fact, smurfette became so popular that day that she had her brains smurfed out 10 or 12 times!!! She was happy as could be. Everyone loved her snatch again. All she had to do is remember to wash it regularly and the fishy smell never returned.

Moral of the story: bathe regularly and you will get some more often.

Preggo~Its In There

Mmmmm.....Spaghetti sauce. Yummy, but that's not the Preggo I had in mind when writing the title to this post. I was thinking Preggo as in Pregnant. And yes, yes I am.

I had the hubby stop last night at Walgreen's so I could buy a home pregnancy test. I guess I was a little nervouse about taking it cause I ate dinner first, nice and slow, taking my precious time. Then it was time to have the after dinner ciggy, but instead I went to the bathroom and proceeded to read the instructions for the preggo test. As soon as I peed on the little white absorbent strip, the little cross indicating pregnancy started to appear. I didn't even have to wait the 2 minutes the instructions insisted it might take. Nope, insta-results, which I took as either the hormone levels were high enough to register right away, or a false reading. Since I still have not had a visit from Aunt Flo, then I think the first is true. In fact I haven't bled since Slutty Hoe and Lord Dragon were at my place last. I actually started bleeding the day they left (July 3rd) so yeah, I'm a little late.

This whole thing is surreal. I don't think its actually sunk in yet and probably wont til I see the doc on Thursday. I really hope the hubby will go with me to it. I read a little about what to expect on WebMD and it sounds kind of nerve racking. He has been so sweet that I don't think he would miss it unless he absolutely had to. First thing this morning, before we even crawled out of bed, he asked how I was doing and if I needed anything. That is not how we usually wake up. Then he called just about 10 minutes ago to check on me, see if I had a Doc's appointment yet, and just to say hi and he loves me. AWWWW. I think I'm going to hurl, that's so sweet! Hee hee. He is taking all this so well that I am thrilled and shocked all at once. I don't think I give my hubby enough credit for being a smart, caring man. Well, yeah he is smart and caring, its just not in the usual ways I'm used to, so it took me a lot longer to figure them out for what they are. Now that I understand a little bit better things have been hawsome bodatious and righteously kick ass. Well, better than the way things were at least. :) I feel happier and maybe that's why this happened when it did. Wow, anj, way to wax philosophical today. Next thing you'll be contemplating your navel. Well, for as long as you can see it.

I have to admit, I am freaking a little, but like I said I don't think it has really hit home yet. I cant imagine me all Miss-I-Just-Swallowed-A-Beach-Ball. Of course, the hubby will tell you I don't swallow at all, but then maybe I shouldn't go there on here...LOL

I want to thank all of you, my readers for the kind thoughts and the girly squeals when I called you to tell you last night. (The girly squeals did not come from who I would have thought. IE an actual girl.. But instead came from LD LOL!! But they were the best and make me smile whenever I think about it!!) I will keep you updated on the progress and in fact will post pictures as the belly gets bigger.

Say good-bye to my little belly......say hello to my little friend